The Monday Mentality Gone Wild

Everybody is going to start working on something--Monday. Never today, never NOW! It's cliché and it's cliché for a reason.

The problem of course is that people are inspired to excuse themselves from far too many opportunities based on their skewed perceptions of when and what constitutes "good timing". Strung together, these bad decisions to wait, missed opportunities to act and little surrenders of initiative lead to a life of disappointment and forever hibernating dreams.

Let's look at this through the eyes of the sales person with the Monday Mentality.

Summers are like "the big Monday".

People too often think like school children and put off big efforts or new projects for September (think summer break). "I can wait and go after it in September" they say--without actually quite saying that or realizing they've gone into a mental and then practical holding pattern for 2+ months.

The Monday Mentality is more than an event though. It's a toxic way of living which affects everything and everyone around you.

So the year continues...

After the summer--if they can't quite go after it right away, in September, the keeper of the Monday-mentality limps through October, perhaps building a bit of momentum. That brings them to November--and certainly no one does business or gets into a big project around the holidays...better wait until after new years.

And the Monday-mentality is on the loose!

"Okay, let's admit it, everybody knows that sales are really slow in January and February. Let's retool or work on our plans or..."

"Let's be real, late March/early April is Passover and Easter; you don't want to bother people and their families now!"

...and then it's late June again.

There is opportunity--and success in all of its forms available to the woman or man who will stop with fairy tale seasonal excuses and get on with manually crafting their lives--NOW.

The kind of success we all want requires courage and a great dose of enthusiasm and sustained effort. Don't buy the compromise found in fairy tale excuses? You're designed for great stuff...

RR

Decisive or Impulsive

I'm trying to figure this one out. Trying to be decisive, I know I've been impulsive. There is a difference because I know I've experienced different results from making swift decisions--which both words connote.

I definitely want to be one of those alluring and inspiring people we've each experienced or seen who sums up a situation and responds with the right amount of power. They're gentle and compassionate when required; they're assertive and precise when those qualities are required.

Looking "impulsive" up in the dictionary, I found the key. Impulsiveness is a quick decision that isn't well thought out (ill-considered). Fine. But I don't have all day to think things out if I'm trying to be decisive!

Ahh, but that's the point. Think! Think about various scenarios, think about why you do any thing specifically and many things in general. Know why you do what you do. Think about these things before the heat is turned up. JFK said, "The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."

It's in knowing what we believe and "why" that helps us move from quick ignorance (impulsiveness) to decisiveness.

Decidedly Yours,

RR

Feeling Uninspired

You know, one of the things that I really like about the personal growth industry is that there is so much good stuff for helping humanity of varying perspectives. Another thing I like is that it's all geared to making whatever is going on better by:

• helping people recognize and enjoy what they already have.
• helping people to learn to appreciate and find the richness in "now".
• helping people find motivation.

Ironically, one of the things that can be so irritating about the personal growth world is its tendency to...always make things better, happy, inspiring...

You know, sometimes I don't want to be inspired. Sometimes, I'm confused and need to regroup. Sometimes I'm uninspired--and trying to manufacture inspiration over a tumult of other feelings can be a rip-off to experiencing other human emotions. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. Maybe I'm a bit disappointed or lost...uninspired.

There isn't one of us who occasionally lacks inspiration. It's okay. If the there is truth in my words, let them offer permission to you to not be inspired today.

This too is uncompromised.

RR

Doing Something...

I've come to detest within myself the tendency to talk about, with impotent intention, what I want. I've been saying I want to be fluent in Spanish for 15 years and have heretofore done very little to substantiate my noble sounding professions. I've gotten my "feel good" by telling people and having them say nice things about my capacity and commitment to learn. Talk about compromise...

Enter the Japanese disaster.

After initial sickness over the seemingly never-ending disaster, I felt that same unsettled feeling I got whenever I hyped my desire to speak Spanish. We all get urges. Those who make a difference in their world (personally and globally) do something with what they know and what they know they must do.

There is so much I can't do but what I am doing is a 5k run/walk to benefit the Red Cross' efforts in Japan. What do you know you must you do in your life that you can no longer just talk about?

Doing Something,

RR

Here are the Run for Japan details followed by expectations:

• April 2, 2011
• 10:30 warm up
• 11am start time
• 11:30/12 Lunch -we'll figure something out...maybe pizza on the tall-handsome guy.
• Boxwood Park (Rotterdam) -right off of I-890 and less than 2 minutes from exit 25 of the NYS Thruway
• Goal $50,000. Yes it's an obnoxiously high goal.
• Make checks payable to "American Red Cross" and place the words "Japanese Aid" in the memo section. All funds will be directed to the earthquake and Tsunami relief efforts in Japan and the Pacific. Red Cross will send you a receipt for your tax deductible gift.
• No cash PLEASE!
• If you want to give toward this specific effort for Japan and can't make it--or you have any questions email me at: Ron@RonRenaud.com
• Email if you are coming or can reasonably say that you can vouch for x number of others coming. We need to know how many cinnamon rolls will be needed to soothe the famished runner!

Expectations:

This isn't a fancy organized run. It is a run with kindred spirits for the sake of recognizing our own blessings and good fortune while we give of our relative abundance to those who've lost much.

Be bold-dig deep and give as much as you feel compelled to give, no pressure. Well not too much anyway.

There will be no bibs -you're responsible to know who you are at the start and end of the race! That's a joke...

Sorry, no aid stations along the way but my wife and a few friends will be baking so it'll be worth your while to run back to where you started!

Winners? When you contribute to the betterment of another you win. You are cordially invited to come and win!

This isn't an event sanctioned by any running governing body. It's a 5k route that I've measured out with my car and regularly run with a pal--Scott, if you must know.

Please tell anyone and everyone you know! Let's do something special.

Peace,

RR

Faithful When No One is Looking

Benjamin Franklin was easily one of the most famous, loved, respected, impactful and wise inventors, wits, philosophers, philanthropists and statesman and of his day.

He gave us the modern post office (not the bloated bureaucracy), invented the Franklin Stove, lightening rod and much more. He was a prolific writer, unifier of a new and great nation of principle and a man known in his day as a great sage and prophet.

He, however, started this journey having washed up on the shores of Philadelphia (an economically depressed city) with just enough for a couple of meals -or so it seems...

Before he left Boston and after his arrival he was a hungry learner and student. He spent his free time learning how to write, debate, understand and reason. He read constantly and became a pretty sharp guy fluent in the conversation of intellectuals.

His industry and aptitude caught the attention of the Governors of three states within months of arriving in Philadelphia. And though there is much more to say about how this poor boy went from rags to riches, fame, immense service and near-prophet status it can all be traced back to his being faithful.

He could have done nothing or just a bit with what he felt the desire to do. He could have just gotten by. He could have done well and not pressed himself.

Franklin chose to be faithful to something bigger in himself.

We all need this kind of faithfulness.

RR

If Only...

If only I had more money...

If only I had more time...

If only I could get a new job...

If only the economy was better...

If only I was appreciated more...

If only I was understood...

If only I was in better shape...

If only things were more simple...

If only I wasn't tired...

If only...

Be Good-Don't Compromise,

RR

It's a Grand Scam!

Everybody like a good baseball analogy. Ahem! I said, EVERYBODY likes a good baseball analogy.

Sometimes when I'm coaching I'll hear my clients say something that we both know isn't true or is some goofy or downright destructive thing they're considering that it keeps them from living like The Uncompromised. That goofy crap I call their 'scam'.

After we identify their scam a bit more clearly I'll suggest they add it to their ESPN highlight reel of cool moves they use to keep them where they are. From time to time, there is something uttered or something avoided that is so obvious, so ridiculous and unfortunately so destructive it is worthy of labeling a Grand Scam!

Mine used to be: I'm too young. Completely debilitating to be 29 years old and too young for... well anything I wanted to do. By the way, I had that until the day I figured that my scam was killing me and that in time I'd simply switch to, I'm too old.

Oh, I've had more and still have some...

What is your Grand Scam that aint nobody cheering for? ...at least not anybody you'd be proud to bring home to your mother.

RR

Short-sighted!

I've been there before, pal...

At my son's (6 year old) soccer practice yesterday the coach had the kids run all the way down the field and back. A few kids fell behind a bit -anint gonna be a 17-way tie, right?

The father of one of the stragglers started yelling for his kid to hustle. Fine. I get it; listen to your coach. But suddenly I see the father switch from wanting his boy to hustle to irritation that the boy wasn't listening to him or the coach.

The little guy ran over to his dad crying and his dad just kept saying, "No, no... listen to your coach. Get out there." Now it's a tug of war. Dad, determined that he'll be listened to and son with his initial discontent now coupled with anxiety that his dad was forcing him away, as tears fell. Dad ended up pushing him back on the field as he was crying -red face, tears rolling and quite audibly.

I've been here. It's not pretty. Ever lose sight of why you are doing something?

RR

How long did you take??? ...to do what??

I write a blog for a local paper in Albany (NY) each Monday. I've been writing for some time and haven't experienced much trouble in saying something that has some value -and doing it in 30-45 minutes. That was until this Monday (8/23).

I wrote for 5 hours.

I posted it.

It was not good. Oh, it was not good.

I deleted it.

I struggled for a topic to write about.

Took 2 more hours to write something that was about 300 words!

http://blog.timesunion.com/success/the-uncompromised-honda-pilot/270/

Wow. Some days we just don't have it, at all!

Lessons for me? Write that blog in advance of my due date. I know, I know... I'm not sure what to say about another lesson but I do know that sometimes when a situation goes far past absurd, it can be surprisingly funny.

Wow... that was only 10 minutes!

RR

Not Deciding is Deciding

iphone 4 or Droid X?

AT&T or Verizon?

Cheaper phone and longer contract or more expensive phone and simply go month to month?

I thought about what I'd do before the iphone came out and as the news of the new Droid became public. My contract with Verizon was up in May. I still couldn't decide what to do, but I don't like the phone I have now.

*The problem with writing about something as rigorous as The Uncompromised is people will hold you to that standard. Well Saturday I was at a NY state park -and there I was with my accountant, who asked if I'd gotten the new phone yet.

I won't say which phone he owns except that he nailed me on my own philosophy when I told him that I'd still not decided. The truth is I know what I want to buy but I'm being lazy by avoiding the stores and waiting for some elusive piece of conclusive evidence one way or the other. He said, "Ron, don't compromise. Just buy the phone."

He knows what I want in a phone and expects me to just decide and do. I thought I could put the decision off. In fact what I've been doing the last 3 months is deciding to use a junky phone that doesn't meet any of my needs. Hmmm. I don't like the sound of that.

And you? In what area of life have you 'decided' to put off a decision but it really has amounted to a compromise of something important for you?

RR

Spasm, Sampling or Endurance

Endurance is discipline or committed, consistent action toward a consciously set goal. It is a sustainable way of living.

Spasms of effort and activity are the mark of those who want... but not enough to change their habits (thinking and doing). These folks are always kicking up a lot of dust but seldom get anywhere.

Sampling is the lifestyle of the optimist who believes in change and possibility but flirts -and too often goes home with laziness.

What does it take to live like The Uncompromised? It's a four-step process: Get clear about what you want, have endurance in your efforts, enjoy the results and repeat.

RR

PS Ha... Just before I clicked "Publish Post" I realize this is nothing more than the lesson we learned in reading "The Tortoise and the Hare".

The Lost Art of Forgiveness

There is a lot to be said about the immense need we as individuals, as well as great cultures and nations, have for true forgiveness. We all have the ability to forgive and let peace be... so what's the problem?

The problem for the one who feels offended, wronged or that something sacred has been somehow transgressed, can be found in a few places. Forgiveness can be hard when:

• You think people are basically idiots.
• You think that your holding a grudge somehow hurts the “offender”.
• You've got a mind/heart for retaliation rather than reconciliation.
• You get attention for being a victim or a martyr.
• You realize that forgiveness can be hard!

The issue facing the offender (the guy or gal that did the wrong-ing) falls into a few categories. It should be self-explanatory why this issue exists, but asking for forgiveness:

• Confirms your guilt.
• Requires humility -sometimes a lot.
• Risks greater loss of community (soiled reputation).
• Means that we have to confront our own shortcomings.

The cultural issue we have, in being able to forgive, comes sometimes from not understanding the above points as well as understanding the process of forgiveness -but just as often from not doing what we do know! If we want to have fantastic relationships with others, and peace with ourselves, it'll serve us all if we do more than consider this process.

As offenders, we need to be quicker to confess/admit and make appropriate restitution for what we've done. Restitution is essentially covering the 'cost' of your error.

If you fail to be there for somebody as promised, restitution might mean that you are extra diligent and go above and beyond in being there for them in the future. If you break somebody's iPod, immediately replace it and offer your help in restoring files etc. The attempt and act of restoration is meaningless without humility in the recognition that you've made a mistake.

As the offended, we need to be quick to forgive and absolute in restoring people. Restoration means that we don't hold a grudge, bring up this error again -and more, we treat people based on who they are at their best. Now that takes humility.

I guess I could have kept this post a lot shorter by saying that the bottom line, in the lost art of forgiveness, is humility.

In Humble Service,

RR

Serious About Happiness

I have come to realize, that in every interaction I have with my clients, I am either underwriting their excellence or their mediocrity. That's quite a responsibility. So, when I'm taking my job seriously, I'm better able to help people live out what brings them happiness.

Know what? We all have the same responsibility. With everyone we engage in conversation or a passing glance, we are creating something. What is that something we want to create?

I've gotta believe, that if I can choose to be me at my best -while being convinced that you too are great, life changes -for both of us.

This is easier said than done, of course. But I wonder will be possible when we all get a little bit more serious about happiness.

RR

Old Demons Never Die...

I'm staring at an award I received at the end of my senior year. It's the sportsmanship award…

I hung this little plaque in my office recently, after my parents unearthed it from their attic. I hung it in my office for motivation.

After years of serious dedication to being a great basketball player, I became really good… but afraid. I could dribble, shoot, I was pretty fast and good on defense. But I was afraid to be physical. I was afraid to drive to the basket and 'mix it up'. As a result, I wasn't much of a threat and so my coach didn't have a place for me.

For years, the award felt like a consolation prize and I like a guy who had to prove (to myself) that I was more than an 85%er. After my parents found it, I thought I should hang it up and use it as motivation to complete my book as well as my other plans. Instead, I've been feeling as if none of my professional efforts are good enough. Like, I have to prove to my coach that I'm willing to feel the pain and “get physical” (i.e. do more and more and...).

I'm going to stop writing now. I'm going to take down that plaque. I'm going to give that 18-year-old Ronnie a dose of much-needed mercy. I'm going to enjoy who I've become and what I've achieved -while I'm on my way to what's next.

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 3

So what are Personal Standards (PS)?

Just a couple more things; I promise we'll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they're here to do. We're talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life's work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you're reading this book, you're the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you're going to live your legacy today, you'd better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your 'original instruction' as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it's your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can't get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they're capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I've heard again and again for my clients, as they've taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I'll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 2

Values aren't anything special; everybody has values. And more, everybody's values sound wonderful. Nobody has a value called "killer" or "idiot" or "pushover" -that is, nobody has values like these that actually mean what the name insinuates.

People have values like: love, honesty, connection, security, hard work, self-care and the like. But have you ever thought about people like Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin... and their values? Hitler killed 30 million people; Stalin killed 60 million and yet I'd be willing to bet that neither of these men, if you were able to sit down with them and do a values clarification exercise with them, would confess to having values such as: genocide, rape, pillage or S.O.B. No, no, no... their values would sound no different than Mother Teresa's or Gandhi's.

I'd put A LOT of money on the fact that all four of these individuals from the 20th century would have had values that sounded quite similar. I'm sure from Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa you hear words like "commitment" and "mission" as values. I'm sure Joseph Stalin and Gandhi would speak mutually, yet independently, of their commitment to the values of: "change" and "peace".

How do we reconcile this? Certainly Adolf Hitler was "committed" and on a "mission". So was Mother Teresa. Mohandas Gandhi could very well be the quintessential example of a person who lived the values of "peace" and "change". Joseph Stalin too, worked for "change" and his own version of "peace".

On a much lighter note, but staying on the same theme... I've worked with people who have a value called, "self-care". I've seen people use this value to justify getting a massage, eating cheesecake, eating spinach salad or numbing out with their drug of choice (food, work, porn, drugs or drink). Oh man! I've been one of these people! What does the value "self-care" mean? The answer is, it means whatever we want it to mean, given the right circumstances. This simply can't be good enough.

The above, is just one example of many, where values (which are naturally vague even when there clarified with other words) actually can be used, not to bring people what they really want, but in our moments of weakness, to justify the things we don't want and wouldn't do otherwise. Yikes! Just say no to values.

Go get yourself some Personal Standards!

Soon enough. Stay tuned to Thursday morning's post.

As Always,

Be Good-Don't Compromise

RR

Are You Living a Potemkin Life?

A Potemkin village is phrase based on a historical myth. Though the experts don't completely agree on the truth of it all, the myth goes like this: Russian Minister (and General) Grigory Potyomkin supposedly built fake villages (facades only) along a rail line in order to fool and impress Catherine II -Empress of Russia as she was touring the area, some time around 1787.

Grig's apparent motive was to have Cathy think that he'd conquered some pretty awesome territory and that he was actually a pretty savvy, powerful and all around nifty guy. I wonder how it all worked out.

Well, aren't we guilty of the same thing sometimes? Can't we be guilty of living Potemkin lives where we act one way but our authentic identity (true self) is someone different?

You know, we suffer so much as we try to keep the charade up. You know, we experience so much peace when we accept who we are and let the chips fall where they may.

People are demanding authenticity from everyone and everything these days...Be Uncompromised -demand it from yourself.

RR

Inspired by Insanity

Insanity is a relatively new DVD workout program but it's more.

Look, at our best, we all want to be great, know we're stretching and achieving. In order to do that we need a good plan, we need to get off our soft-sides and we need someone who believes in us deeply -sometimes more than we believe in ourselves.

Shaun T not only puts together an incredible workout program (Insanity) which I'm being both broken and built better by, but he engages me, believes in me and demands more of me. He wants me to mind my form and won't let me compromise what I'm capable of. If this man can pull this off on DVD, I'd like to meet him for real.

Hey, who is your Shaun T? Who is there for you -to both comfort you and expect more from you, for the sake of you being something better?

Man, I can't wait to pop that DVD in today, get my Shaun T hit, then sweat, hurt and believe in me -'cause I survived another challenge, another day.

Grrrr,

RR

When Really Good Isn't Really Good Enough

We've all met, worked with, been employed by or employed people who are good at what they do but have a passion or talent beyond what they are making their life's work.

How do we engage with people who you know are settling? What do you say to the person who you know is compromising and letting a great life slip away because a really good one is happening now?

It's funny to think that the answer to your question will probably speak pretty loudly to your loyalty, commitment and more -your own capacity to settle and compromise -In this case a potentially great and faithful relationship is excused to make room for a a really good or even a merely decent relationship. Too bad.

How do you compromise your relationships? What are you making more important than that person's fulfillment?

RR

The Agony of Compromise

Does Compromise ever feel good?

At the bottom of a dish of ice cream, that you said you wouldn't eat...

When you lay your head down, another night, -having skipped out on doing something you knew you should...

When you say something to someone, just to get to them...

When you bitch about your job then declare that you only have 11 more years...

You have compromised YOU. It's nothing short of betrayal...

It's funny, in the moment, administering the medication of mint chocolate chip to your wounds feels reasonable. Performing busy work to provide a 'reasonable' excuse why you don't have the life you want, seems understandable. Really, in those brief but powerful moments you know your self to be full of it -and with enough of this, and in the end it will be a bitter taste you will live and die with.

Honestly looking at what you are choosing to do with your time, money, energy, body, etc. is the place to start wen you want to live as The Uncompromised. Stop thinking so much and decide what you really, really want. Write it down. Finally, Do Something. Anything...but be in action, learn, adjust the plan and do more.

Don't Compromise. Be Great. Go do something.

RR