The Dabbler's Lament

A paragon of endurance, Mother Teresa labored in the gut of Calcutta for decades giving everything she had to help the "poorest of the poor". She held the hands of lepers, applied medication to open maggot-infested wounds of the dying and held the skeleton-bodies of broken infants as they left this life.

She didn't seek attention, she avoided it as it took her from her what she knew to be most important: expressing love to all those who society was mindful to forget. The world sought her.

The dabbler's lament is elusive fulfillment. He knows that he ought to do things, whether for others or even himself, but he doesn't think in terms of self-sacrifice except as it serves his more immediate purpose. That purpose might be recognition to feel a sense of value, pity so as to dismiss his responsibility, guilt to better control another or the perpetuation of an image that needs occasional maintenance.

Having lost a sense of "mission", the dabbler needs to be seen. She survives on consciously created PR campaigns designed to have people see her a certain way. So self-absorbed is the dabbler that she's lost part of her humanity--becoming blind to the needs of those around her.

Chances are, you're neither a Mother Teresa nor a total dabbler. Reflecting on the dabbler's lament and the joyful life of a saint:

Where do you see you need to engage people differently?

Where is your "mission field"?

Though these examples are somewhat black and white...we still are forced to choose and live that shade of gray. I wonder what you'll choose.

Your Servant,

RR

Faithful When No One is Looking

Benjamin Franklin was easily one of the most famous, loved, respected, impactful and wise inventors, wits, philosophers, philanthropists and statesman and of his day.

He gave us the modern post office (not the bloated bureaucracy), invented the Franklin Stove, lightening rod and much more. He was a prolific writer, unifier of a new and great nation of principle and a man known in his day as a great sage and prophet.

He, however, started this journey having washed up on the shores of Philadelphia (an economically depressed city) with just enough for a couple of meals -or so it seems...

Before he left Boston and after his arrival he was a hungry learner and student. He spent his free time learning how to write, debate, understand and reason. He read constantly and became a pretty sharp guy fluent in the conversation of intellectuals.

His industry and aptitude caught the attention of the Governors of three states within months of arriving in Philadelphia. And though there is much more to say about how this poor boy went from rags to riches, fame, immense service and near-prophet status it can all be traced back to his being faithful.

He could have done nothing or just a bit with what he felt the desire to do. He could have just gotten by. He could have done well and not pressed himself.

Franklin chose to be faithful to something bigger in himself.

We all need this kind of faithfulness.

RR

Lookin' Good By Acting Aloof?

I watched a performance yesterday (it was a dress rehearsal) where two performers arrived late. Their colleagues were already there, practicing (dancing/singing), despite their absence.

As the two walked in, I sort of imagined them humbly mouthing the words "I'm sorry" or something like that -then briskly moving to get on stage to join their colleagues already engaged in their routine.

Nope.

They rolled their eyes at the director's comment that it was about time. They further denied the director and fellow performers as they leisurely de-frocked, got on stage and nonchalantly went through the motions of the performance.

Hey! Humble up! Apologize! Get engaged at 100% and move on!

Your being cool is not only irritating, but it impacts everybody around you. In the meantime you've exchanged lookin' good for something more fulfilling that's gotten only by giving yourself completely to what you do.

Thank You,

RR

It's a Grand Scam!

Everybody like a good baseball analogy. Ahem! I said, EVERYBODY likes a good baseball analogy.

Sometimes when I'm coaching I'll hear my clients say something that we both know isn't true or is some goofy or downright destructive thing they're considering that it keeps them from living like The Uncompromised. That goofy crap I call their 'scam'.

After we identify their scam a bit more clearly I'll suggest they add it to their ESPN highlight reel of cool moves they use to keep them where they are. From time to time, there is something uttered or something avoided that is so obvious, so ridiculous and unfortunately so destructive it is worthy of labeling a Grand Scam!

Mine used to be: I'm too young. Completely debilitating to be 29 years old and too young for... well anything I wanted to do. By the way, I had that until the day I figured that my scam was killing me and that in time I'd simply switch to, I'm too old.

Oh, I've had more and still have some...

What is your Grand Scam that aint nobody cheering for? ...at least not anybody you'd be proud to bring home to your mother.

RR

Why Create??

Aint nothin' new gonna be said. Every note that there ever will be has been played, every color one could hope to put on canvas (or base of your choice) has been put there.

Books have been written, speeches given and songs composed. Basically it's the same stuff with a new marketing twist.

I used to think, "Man, the Beatles did Abbey Road, how could it get better... why would people bother trying to be better than that!?" Depending on your preference, the Bible, Torah or Koran, Tao de Ching, etc. have been written. What other wisdom is there. There aren't gonna be any new fundamentals...

The truth is not everyone likes The Beatles, and even though whatever you do has probably been done many times over, what the world needs is you, now.

Your way of speaking, your combination of colors, your unique perspective, your notes, spaces, chords and tempo, texture... we need you!

No wanna-be reheated version of Tony Robbins, John Lennon, Poe, or even Raphael will get the job done. What the world needs is you -stripped of the unessential nonsense yet out loud and inspired.

The faithful expression of your true identity is what will give you peace now, inspire others... and if you create for a living, we all do... it's what will sell.

Be Good-Do Great,

RR

What is Integrity?

Madame Dictionary says integrity is: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. I get that. I think we all think of integrity this way.

Even better though is the second definition: the state of being whole and undivided. Yes!

When we breach our integrity, we undermine who we are at our best -which is who we really are, and we establish ourselves as something else. When we compromise our word/integrity we create a division between our world and who we are. That means our happiness and effectiveness.

Once divided, we are more apt to say and do things that don't reflect who we really are. At best unnecessary struggle begins, and at worst, the race to the bottom begins.

However, as we stand firm and live consistent with what we say we say is important to us, not only do we enjoy the results of being men and women of our words, but we grow in our dedication to being that man or woman. That dedication equals strength and motivation to keep making good decisions.

You are successful and fulfilled to the degree that you'll live out your integrity. Better know what you stand for then, huh?

RR

Spasm, Sampling or Endurance

Endurance is discipline or committed, consistent action toward a consciously set goal. It is a sustainable way of living.

Spasms of effort and activity are the mark of those who want... but not enough to change their habits (thinking and doing). These folks are always kicking up a lot of dust but seldom get anywhere.

Sampling is the lifestyle of the optimist who believes in change and possibility but flirts -and too often goes home with laziness.

What does it take to live like The Uncompromised? It's a four-step process: Get clear about what you want, have endurance in your efforts, enjoy the results and repeat.

RR

PS Ha... Just before I clicked "Publish Post" I realize this is nothing more than the lesson we learned in reading "The Tortoise and the Hare".

The Lost Art of Forgiveness

There is a lot to be said about the immense need we as individuals, as well as great cultures and nations, have for true forgiveness. We all have the ability to forgive and let peace be... so what's the problem?

The problem for the one who feels offended, wronged or that something sacred has been somehow transgressed, can be found in a few places. Forgiveness can be hard when:

• You think people are basically idiots.
• You think that your holding a grudge somehow hurts the “offender”.
• You've got a mind/heart for retaliation rather than reconciliation.
• You get attention for being a victim or a martyr.
• You realize that forgiveness can be hard!

The issue facing the offender (the guy or gal that did the wrong-ing) falls into a few categories. It should be self-explanatory why this issue exists, but asking for forgiveness:

• Confirms your guilt.
• Requires humility -sometimes a lot.
• Risks greater loss of community (soiled reputation).
• Means that we have to confront our own shortcomings.

The cultural issue we have, in being able to forgive, comes sometimes from not understanding the above points as well as understanding the process of forgiveness -but just as often from not doing what we do know! If we want to have fantastic relationships with others, and peace with ourselves, it'll serve us all if we do more than consider this process.

As offenders, we need to be quicker to confess/admit and make appropriate restitution for what we've done. Restitution is essentially covering the 'cost' of your error.

If you fail to be there for somebody as promised, restitution might mean that you are extra diligent and go above and beyond in being there for them in the future. If you break somebody's iPod, immediately replace it and offer your help in restoring files etc. The attempt and act of restoration is meaningless without humility in the recognition that you've made a mistake.

As the offended, we need to be quick to forgive and absolute in restoring people. Restoration means that we don't hold a grudge, bring up this error again -and more, we treat people based on who they are at their best. Now that takes humility.

I guess I could have kept this post a lot shorter by saying that the bottom line, in the lost art of forgiveness, is humility.

In Humble Service,

RR

Cranky Guy on the Prarie

I grew up watching Little House on the Prairie -or affectionately, 'Little House'. What a great show it was and is (on DVD) about a good and earnest family, working to make a good life, do good by others and get ahead through honest hard work.

The Ingalls family was made up of a father/husband who was hardworking, honest, a sensitive and a loyal friend. Mom/wife was a diligent, hardworking, industrious, smart, feminine woman. All three children were well-behaved, conscientious, responsible, loving and full of personality.

Ak. I confess that it wasn't until about two years ago that I recognized, why for some time I had been feeling a lingering sense of unhappiness or disappointment. It may sound silly, but it's true, I had some version of the “Little House Ideal" lodged in my brain.

Finding that my own family (to include myself) lacked the industry, piety, humility, discipline and internal fortitude that the Ingalls family displayed so sharply, profoundly and neatly in 60 minutes each week, I found myself constantly disappointed in my situation. Somehow along the line, without me even knowing, I began to chase the elusive horizon of the "Little House Ideal" for what a “good” family meant.

Goals are great! Having an ideal in your mind's eye is a good thing. But we get ourselves in a lot of trouble when we set ourselves up, expecting to reach the ideal. Like the horizon, the ideal is a moving target and just as it is vital in navigating towards something great, it too -to the unconscious goal setter, can cause pain, disappointment and destruction of the very thing you want.

Set great and compelling goals. Heck, even look to the ideal as a source of inspiration, just set your expectations carefully -'cause even if you leave now, you'll never swim and catch the horizon -and you'll definitely drown.

Have a nice day!

RR

Serious About Happiness

I have come to realize, that in every interaction I have with my clients, I am either underwriting their excellence or their mediocrity. That's quite a responsibility. So, when I'm taking my job seriously, I'm better able to help people live out what brings them happiness.

Know what? We all have the same responsibility. With everyone we engage in conversation or a passing glance, we are creating something. What is that something we want to create?

I've gotta believe, that if I can choose to be me at my best -while being convinced that you too are great, life changes -for both of us.

This is easier said than done, of course. But I wonder will be possible when we all get a little bit more serious about happiness.

RR

Old Demons Never Die...

I'm staring at an award I received at the end of my senior year. It's the sportsmanship award…

I hung this little plaque in my office recently, after my parents unearthed it from their attic. I hung it in my office for motivation.

After years of serious dedication to being a great basketball player, I became really good… but afraid. I could dribble, shoot, I was pretty fast and good on defense. But I was afraid to be physical. I was afraid to drive to the basket and 'mix it up'. As a result, I wasn't much of a threat and so my coach didn't have a place for me.

For years, the award felt like a consolation prize and I like a guy who had to prove (to myself) that I was more than an 85%er. After my parents found it, I thought I should hang it up and use it as motivation to complete my book as well as my other plans. Instead, I've been feeling as if none of my professional efforts are good enough. Like, I have to prove to my coach that I'm willing to feel the pain and “get physical” (i.e. do more and more and...).

I'm going to stop writing now. I'm going to take down that plaque. I'm going to give that 18-year-old Ronnie a dose of much-needed mercy. I'm going to enjoy who I've become and what I've achieved -while I'm on my way to what's next.

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 3

So what are Personal Standards (PS)?

Just a couple more things; I promise we'll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they're here to do. We're talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life's work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you're reading this book, you're the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you're going to live your legacy today, you'd better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your 'original instruction' as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it's your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can't get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they're capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I've heard again and again for my clients, as they've taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I'll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 2

Values aren't anything special; everybody has values. And more, everybody's values sound wonderful. Nobody has a value called "killer" or "idiot" or "pushover" -that is, nobody has values like these that actually mean what the name insinuates.

People have values like: love, honesty, connection, security, hard work, self-care and the like. But have you ever thought about people like Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin... and their values? Hitler killed 30 million people; Stalin killed 60 million and yet I'd be willing to bet that neither of these men, if you were able to sit down with them and do a values clarification exercise with them, would confess to having values such as: genocide, rape, pillage or S.O.B. No, no, no... their values would sound no different than Mother Teresa's or Gandhi's.

I'd put A LOT of money on the fact that all four of these individuals from the 20th century would have had values that sounded quite similar. I'm sure from Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa you hear words like "commitment" and "mission" as values. I'm sure Joseph Stalin and Gandhi would speak mutually, yet independently, of their commitment to the values of: "change" and "peace".

How do we reconcile this? Certainly Adolf Hitler was "committed" and on a "mission". So was Mother Teresa. Mohandas Gandhi could very well be the quintessential example of a person who lived the values of "peace" and "change". Joseph Stalin too, worked for "change" and his own version of "peace".

On a much lighter note, but staying on the same theme... I've worked with people who have a value called, "self-care". I've seen people use this value to justify getting a massage, eating cheesecake, eating spinach salad or numbing out with their drug of choice (food, work, porn, drugs or drink). Oh man! I've been one of these people! What does the value "self-care" mean? The answer is, it means whatever we want it to mean, given the right circumstances. This simply can't be good enough.

The above, is just one example of many, where values (which are naturally vague even when there clarified with other words) actually can be used, not to bring people what they really want, but in our moments of weakness, to justify the things we don't want and wouldn't do otherwise. Yikes! Just say no to values.

Go get yourself some Personal Standards!

Soon enough. Stay tuned to Thursday morning's post.

As Always,

Be Good-Don't Compromise

RR

Are You Living a Potemkin Life?

A Potemkin village is phrase based on a historical myth. Though the experts don't completely agree on the truth of it all, the myth goes like this: Russian Minister (and General) Grigory Potyomkin supposedly built fake villages (facades only) along a rail line in order to fool and impress Catherine II -Empress of Russia as she was touring the area, some time around 1787.

Grig's apparent motive was to have Cathy think that he'd conquered some pretty awesome territory and that he was actually a pretty savvy, powerful and all around nifty guy. I wonder how it all worked out.

Well, aren't we guilty of the same thing sometimes? Can't we be guilty of living Potemkin lives where we act one way but our authentic identity (true self) is someone different?

You know, we suffer so much as we try to keep the charade up. You know, we experience so much peace when we accept who we are and let the chips fall where they may.

People are demanding authenticity from everyone and everything these days...Be Uncompromised -demand it from yourself.

RR

When Really Good Isn't Really Good Enough

We've all met, worked with, been employed by or employed people who are good at what they do but have a passion or talent beyond what they are making their life's work.

How do we engage with people who you know are settling? What do you say to the person who you know is compromising and letting a great life slip away because a really good one is happening now?

It's funny to think that the answer to your question will probably speak pretty loudly to your loyalty, commitment and more -your own capacity to settle and compromise -In this case a potentially great and faithful relationship is excused to make room for a a really good or even a merely decent relationship. Too bad.

How do you compromise your relationships? What are you making more important than that person's fulfillment?

RR

The Agony of Compromise

Does Compromise ever feel good?

At the bottom of a dish of ice cream, that you said you wouldn't eat...

When you lay your head down, another night, -having skipped out on doing something you knew you should...

When you say something to someone, just to get to them...

When you bitch about your job then declare that you only have 11 more years...

You have compromised YOU. It's nothing short of betrayal...

It's funny, in the moment, administering the medication of mint chocolate chip to your wounds feels reasonable. Performing busy work to provide a 'reasonable' excuse why you don't have the life you want, seems understandable. Really, in those brief but powerful moments you know your self to be full of it -and with enough of this, and in the end it will be a bitter taste you will live and die with.

Honestly looking at what you are choosing to do with your time, money, energy, body, etc. is the place to start wen you want to live as The Uncompromised. Stop thinking so much and decide what you really, really want. Write it down. Finally, Do Something. Anything...but be in action, learn, adjust the plan and do more.

Don't Compromise. Be Great. Go do something.

RR

The Compromised Uncompromiser

I talk a good game. I talk a good game because I've been up to some big stuff. I've done more in my life then I ever thought I could.

...but things got comfy and I've been on cruise control, enjoying a certain degree of success.

I've written about 30,000 words of a book that I've committed to writing yet haven't written in 2+ months -at least not anything substantial. At first I was taking time to clarify my audience, to reread and edit what I'd written. But now it's been almost 3 months and I can't deny that I'm compromised.

My word to myself, in terms of slotted writing times, I've breeched. Agreements to myself to at least capture this concept or that on paper have found a backseat to clearing of junk from my desk (which did need attention). Again and again I've compromised to the point where I now see blatantly that my compromises of my integrity and identity are because I'm scared.

I'm scared to be an author, the speaker for $10k/hr and coach for $50k/yr. I'm scared that I could have the impact and actually get what I say I want, and I have to deal with it.

The principles/standards for which I stand and live to teach don't need to change; I do.

Where have you been dodging your destiny for noble sounding activity?

RR

The Great Compromise

What are you compromising?

When you really let yourself dream, how do you see yourself living? Yeah, the car, house and all of that crap -but I'm talking about who you are...and how then you enjoy your life.

People compromise by spending their lives doing things the don't really want to do, doing them in a way that doesn't fully reflect the level of commitment to integrity and collecting money for these compromises! Where is the fulfillment or success in that??

People compromise in relationships (the ones they're in and how they are in them), people compromise by sticking around places they don't belong and people compromise by simply punching the clock and doing what they've done and day by day and moment by moment. How sad. You have a choice, live compromised or uncompromised.

In your wildest dreams, who are you spending the majority of your time with? What kind of man or woman are you, at your best? Don't you want that person's life?

What could a group of uncompromised, ambitious and action oriented people create or change??

Wouldn't you like to know?

RR