Old Demons Never Die...

I'm staring at an award I received at the end of my senior year. It's the sportsmanship award…

I hung this little plaque in my office recently, after my parents unearthed it from their attic. I hung it in my office for motivation.

After years of serious dedication to being a great basketball player, I became really good… but afraid. I could dribble, shoot, I was pretty fast and good on defense. But I was afraid to be physical. I was afraid to drive to the basket and 'mix it up'. As a result, I wasn't much of a threat and so my coach didn't have a place for me.

For years, the award felt like a consolation prize and I like a guy who had to prove (to myself) that I was more than an 85%er. After my parents found it, I thought I should hang it up and use it as motivation to complete my book as well as my other plans. Instead, I've been feeling as if none of my professional efforts are good enough. Like, I have to prove to my coach that I'm willing to feel the pain and “get physical” (i.e. do more and more and...).

I'm going to stop writing now. I'm going to take down that plaque. I'm going to give that 18-year-old Ronnie a dose of much-needed mercy. I'm going to enjoy who I've become and what I've achieved -while I'm on my way to what's next.

RR