The Wrong Lesson

Recently I was witness to someone giving their word to another that they ended up not keeping.

Sometimes the reason for people not following through is legit. Often, is simply isn't.

What is crazy is when the person who failed to do what they said, in an absurd linguistic-judo move, removes the yoke of responsibility from themselves and places the blame on the other!

I was left speechless just a few days ago when the blame was shifted from "Fred" (who didn't keep his word) to "Tom" (the guy who'd been promised then denied something). The lesson being discussed wasn't that Fred needs to keep his word. It was that Tom needs to show more mercy.

I almost fell out of my seat as I watched the offender turn teacher to the offended during the debrief of events. This happens more than we might generally realize. People can shift the blame everywhere but rarely affix it to themselves.

The Uncompromised, on the other hand, are quick to take responsibility. That is part of what makes them different, rare and extraordinary.

Dust and Sweat

Sometimes we fail to do what we’re capable of.

It’s even worse when, deep in the recesses of our minds, we decide that we aren’t really going to work so hard but… we’ll keep up the illusion.

This is where we kick up a lot of dust to make our efforts look convincing and sincere -while we know that we aren’t really doing what we are capable of.

I’ve seen people sweat (literally and figuratively) and actually work harder avoiding work than if they just did the thing they are avoiding. Come on… haven’t you seen that guy who huffs and puffs as if he’s totally maxed-out after not doing anything but notice you watching? This happen in offices, athletics, construction… It actually is kind of funny isn’t it?

The trick is to notice when we’re pulling one over on ourselves. This is compromise and it’s an easy habit to acquire.

Don’t Compromise,

RR

Dad's Wisdom

I used to be a mason (brick, block, concrete). It was there that I received a lot of life's best lessons. Today we'll talk about one of my dad's keepers.

I worked for my dad by the way. Now, say that to most people and the think something along the lines of, "posh gig" or "good deal being the boss' son".

Consider this: most people who've worked for family have a different perspective -as the expectations are usually much greater. My dad put everything in hock -mortgaged the house and everything for a shot at success in business. Not posh.

What does this equal? Urgency, rigor and a low tolerance for nonsense. At 18, I needed to learn all three.

There were occasions where we'd be done with all the work necessary and waiting on a concrete truck or a delivery. My dad couldn't stand idleness. In all seriousness, he'd snap- "Hey, Ronnie, sweep the floor, jog in place, Do Something!"

Bottom line: You are here to be productive -PRODUCE!

My bottom line? Have fun, yes... but Do Something!

RR

If it's Right...

If it's right, shut up and do it.

That actually could be the whole blog post but...

I signed up for an adventure race because I'd met a guy who organizes cool events on a plane to Chicago a couple months ago and because I'd not done anything cool like this in some time. I thought I could mix business with my need to sweat, bleed and leave everything I had on the mountain.

My wife has never even done a 5k (she's an aerobics gal) but I really encouraged her to do it. Yes! She signed up.

Soon I realized my race would go from race to escort. Ak!

Truth be known, I groused, pretended I wasn't, I whined and acted like I was into supporting her in this big first event for her. Finally I changed my attitude because I knew it was right... not because I wanted to.

Well with right attitude in place, yesterday we did the race. I escorted my Maria all the way; I'm so glad I did. I always talk about heart/being first then action. Well sometimes you just have to do the right thing and have that hardness/lack of motivation be broken along the way.

It's funny to think about too, that if I'd have won the race (there was no danger of that mind you, but if...), I would have wanted my best friend Maria with me to celebrate. Yesterday, Maria asked me to be with her as she exerted and celebrated. I'm glad I was a stand-by-my-woman man yesterday.

Racers are encouraged to dress to express, to be laughed at, remembered or however you want to. I was told that I'd be the Cat in the Hat. Yes dear.

RR

PS I shaved my beard to be silly... I don't think anyone got it.

It's a Grand Scam!

Everybody like a good baseball analogy. Ahem! I said, EVERYBODY likes a good baseball analogy.

Sometimes when I'm coaching I'll hear my clients say something that we both know isn't true or is some goofy or downright destructive thing they're considering that it keeps them from living like The Uncompromised. That goofy crap I call their 'scam'.

After we identify their scam a bit more clearly I'll suggest they add it to their ESPN highlight reel of cool moves they use to keep them where they are. From time to time, there is something uttered or something avoided that is so obvious, so ridiculous and unfortunately so destructive it is worthy of labeling a Grand Scam!

Mine used to be: I'm too young. Completely debilitating to be 29 years old and too young for... well anything I wanted to do. By the way, I had that until the day I figured that my scam was killing me and that in time I'd simply switch to, I'm too old.

Oh, I've had more and still have some...

What is your Grand Scam that aint nobody cheering for? ...at least not anybody you'd be proud to bring home to your mother.

RR

How long did you take??? ...to do what??

I write a blog for a local paper in Albany (NY) each Monday. I've been writing for some time and haven't experienced much trouble in saying something that has some value -and doing it in 30-45 minutes. That was until this Monday (8/23).

I wrote for 5 hours.

I posted it.

It was not good. Oh, it was not good.

I deleted it.

I struggled for a topic to write about.

Took 2 more hours to write something that was about 300 words!

http://blog.timesunion.com/success/the-uncompromised-honda-pilot/270/

Wow. Some days we just don't have it, at all!

Lessons for me? Write that blog in advance of my due date. I know, I know... I'm not sure what to say about another lesson but I do know that sometimes when a situation goes far past absurd, it can be surprisingly funny.

Wow... that was only 10 minutes!

RR

Watershed Moments

A watershed is where things come together to form or take on a new direction.

What are the moments that you most powerfully recall changing your life?

Who said what to you?

What did you see or do?

What decision did you make?

What were the circumstances?

I will never forget one watershed moment in my life. My brother confronted me with some hard truths regarding my decent into ignorance. It marked a turning point in my life that set me on a course for becoming a different person and doing what I so enjoy today: teaching and coaching.

I don't know if you can incite or predict a watershed moment and they aren't always cozy when they occur, but what you can do is choose how you'll respond to these moments.

On second thought, maybe you can make such a radical decision in your life that you can create a watershed moment. Hmmmm, what will yours be??

RR

Booker T -An Example of Endurance

There is a lot to be said about the virtues and life of Booker T. Washington (BTW). I'll take the time to share just a little of why he's a hero of mine.

He was born into slavery and became one of the most famous and influential people of his generation. Like the expression goes: The team at the top of the mountain didn't fall there, BTW didn't fall into great fame, influence or an enduring legacy of note.

Up From Slavery is Washington's autobiography which is well worth reading and reflecting upon. It's an enormously compelling story of ignorance, laziness and potential hatred turned wisdom, industry and benevolence.

Though there is almost no good place to start except the beginning, in regards to getting the real impact of BTW's story, let me give you the skinny on what kind of man he was.

After completely changing his life and becoming a teacher himself, he was recommended -even though not white, as a man capable of beginning, heading and providing for a new school in rural Alabama. Long story short -there was no school, there was no financing, there were some good people in his corner but that and an old chicken coop got him a few eggs and not much else.

He created an environment at this 'university' where rigor of learning and dignity in labor reigned. Leading an institution remotely in those days (which was difficult at best) Washington was also obligated to constantly be doing speeches in an attempt to sell people (potential donors) on the virtue of investing in the cause of a people and merit of his ideas for them.

The needs seemingly never ended and so Washington literally spent years walking all over the country from town to town giving speeches to hundreds and to nearly empty rooms. Day after day and night after night and year after year he put himself in places where he could influence change in the hearts and minds of two races.

Sometimes treated like royalty but often treated worse than a criminal, Washington carried on for decades changing society and lifting up a people through his example and extraordinary efforts, until his passing.

The Uncompromised Washington's life is an example of what is possible when we don't get caught up in dabbling, quibbling or too much rest. A life of endurance, awesome service to others, fulfillment in doing what he felt called to do -his legacy is secure.

Rest in peace, Mr. Washington.

RR

Not Deciding is Deciding

iphone 4 or Droid X?

AT&T or Verizon?

Cheaper phone and longer contract or more expensive phone and simply go month to month?

I thought about what I'd do before the iphone came out and as the news of the new Droid became public. My contract with Verizon was up in May. I still couldn't decide what to do, but I don't like the phone I have now.

*The problem with writing about something as rigorous as The Uncompromised is people will hold you to that standard. Well Saturday I was at a NY state park -and there I was with my accountant, who asked if I'd gotten the new phone yet.

I won't say which phone he owns except that he nailed me on my own philosophy when I told him that I'd still not decided. The truth is I know what I want to buy but I'm being lazy by avoiding the stores and waiting for some elusive piece of conclusive evidence one way or the other. He said, "Ron, don't compromise. Just buy the phone."

He knows what I want in a phone and expects me to just decide and do. I thought I could put the decision off. In fact what I've been doing the last 3 months is deciding to use a junky phone that doesn't meet any of my needs. Hmmm. I don't like the sound of that.

And you? In what area of life have you 'decided' to put off a decision but it really has amounted to a compromise of something important for you?

RR

What is Integrity?

Madame Dictionary says integrity is: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. I get that. I think we all think of integrity this way.

Even better though is the second definition: the state of being whole and undivided. Yes!

When we breach our integrity, we undermine who we are at our best -which is who we really are, and we establish ourselves as something else. When we compromise our word/integrity we create a division between our world and who we are. That means our happiness and effectiveness.

Once divided, we are more apt to say and do things that don't reflect who we really are. At best unnecessary struggle begins, and at worst, the race to the bottom begins.

However, as we stand firm and live consistent with what we say we say is important to us, not only do we enjoy the results of being men and women of our words, but we grow in our dedication to being that man or woman. That dedication equals strength and motivation to keep making good decisions.

You are successful and fulfilled to the degree that you'll live out your integrity. Better know what you stand for then, huh?

RR

Enthusiasm's Revenge

I wrote recently about a neck injury I suffered -and still am dealing with. I'd been working out and getting in the best shape of my life, when I suddenly had to stop.

For the first couple of days I found myself enjoying the much-needed rest both my mind and body wanted and needed. During the next few days I lamented that the program I was on would have to be abandoned for a time. As I now head deep into the second week of my inability to do that work out, my enthusiasm for exercise has waned yet my appetite or rather my desire to eat has increased. Sort of an, "If I can't workout, I'll find pleasure here then!" deal.

A couple days ago, I realized I was in a downward slide. I leveled with myself and got that if I didn't change my attitude and my eating -and exercise lightly the few muscles I could, this short-term injury might have a serious impact on not only my exercise routine but worse, cause me to lose enthusiasm in general.

Though I confess I feel a bit lame (literally and figuratively), I 'm not going to let this injury take me out and make me change how I want to do things. If enthusiasm is one of the distinguishing traits, Universal Standards, of The Uncompromised... then I have to have it!

I'm not going to feel bad about myself just because I'm not as strong as I want to be. My life is about bigger things.

What I'm aware of right now, is that enthusiasm is a choice and it doesn't end with one decision...

RR

Spasm, Sampling or Endurance

Endurance is discipline or committed, consistent action toward a consciously set goal. It is a sustainable way of living.

Spasms of effort and activity are the mark of those who want... but not enough to change their habits (thinking and doing). These folks are always kicking up a lot of dust but seldom get anywhere.

Sampling is the lifestyle of the optimist who believes in change and possibility but flirts -and too often goes home with laziness.

What does it take to live like The Uncompromised? It's a four-step process: Get clear about what you want, have endurance in your efforts, enjoy the results and repeat.

RR

PS Ha... Just before I clicked "Publish Post" I realize this is nothing more than the lesson we learned in reading "The Tortoise and the Hare".

Retreat From Endurance?

Nooooo!

Man, I'm so pumped up about this workout I'm doing! I'm getting in the best shape of my life and... my neck is spazing-out!

It is a 60 day program, yes I'm in the 'recovery' week but, ahhh, I've missed two days. I'll probably miss 3 more -which places me (hopefully ready) on Monday with more intense workouts -and fingers crossed.

Endurance, one of The Universal Standard of The Uncompromised, is not about sampling, but about discipline, consistency, determined/focused effort and sustainability. Oh... Hmmmmm, sustainability.

I remember hearing someone say that, "It's easy to be hard and hard to be smart." Isn't that the truth?! Actually I think I was was being 'hard' last week when my neck was feeling a bit tight and slightly spasmodic; I just kept working out, determined not to quit. So instead of voluntarily, and wisely opting out, I got taken out!

Just like too many people take themselves out of the game by not being disciplined or working hard, others like me can get blinded by their own resolve and lose the very thing they are after.

Here I am, icing and even taking muscle relaxers (I almost never take any pill), contemplating how hard sometimes it is to be smart, what the cost of being 'hard' is -and learning a vital nuance of true Endurance: sustainability.

On Ice,

RR

Cranky Guy on the Prarie

I grew up watching Little House on the Prairie -or affectionately, 'Little House'. What a great show it was and is (on DVD) about a good and earnest family, working to make a good life, do good by others and get ahead through honest hard work.

The Ingalls family was made up of a father/husband who was hardworking, honest, a sensitive and a loyal friend. Mom/wife was a diligent, hardworking, industrious, smart, feminine woman. All three children were well-behaved, conscientious, responsible, loving and full of personality.

Ak. I confess that it wasn't until about two years ago that I recognized, why for some time I had been feeling a lingering sense of unhappiness or disappointment. It may sound silly, but it's true, I had some version of the “Little House Ideal" lodged in my brain.

Finding that my own family (to include myself) lacked the industry, piety, humility, discipline and internal fortitude that the Ingalls family displayed so sharply, profoundly and neatly in 60 minutes each week, I found myself constantly disappointed in my situation. Somehow along the line, without me even knowing, I began to chase the elusive horizon of the "Little House Ideal" for what a “good” family meant.

Goals are great! Having an ideal in your mind's eye is a good thing. But we get ourselves in a lot of trouble when we set ourselves up, expecting to reach the ideal. Like the horizon, the ideal is a moving target and just as it is vital in navigating towards something great, it too -to the unconscious goal setter, can cause pain, disappointment and destruction of the very thing you want.

Set great and compelling goals. Heck, even look to the ideal as a source of inspiration, just set your expectations carefully -'cause even if you leave now, you'll never swim and catch the horizon -and you'll definitely drown.

Have a nice day!

RR

Serious About Happiness

I have come to realize, that in every interaction I have with my clients, I am either underwriting their excellence or their mediocrity. That's quite a responsibility. So, when I'm taking my job seriously, I'm better able to help people live out what brings them happiness.

Know what? We all have the same responsibility. With everyone we engage in conversation or a passing glance, we are creating something. What is that something we want to create?

I've gotta believe, that if I can choose to be me at my best -while being convinced that you too are great, life changes -for both of us.

This is easier said than done, of course. But I wonder will be possible when we all get a little bit more serious about happiness.

RR

Going Someplace

I was at Reagan National Airport recently when a US Air representative (one of those people who announce the flights by the gates) caught my ear, then my eye and then my full attention. Somebody is going to snatch up Bernard before long because he so powerfully exemplifies one of the four attributes of The Uncompromised.

Enthusiasm -it's what moves you, with purpose, to get out of bed in the morning and to engage people and situations in a powerful and positive way. Everybody wants to be around somebody who's alive, enthusiastic.

Boy, did Bernard have enthusiasm! Normally I don't mind having to sit a couple of hours in an airport waiting for my plane; it gives me the opportunity to read and read. But, I couldn't get into my book. Sitting by my gate, I couldn't wait to hear what Bernard would say next -and how he would say it.

I copied a few of his highlights for our mutual pleasure:

Philadelphia 4261 -we are sharing the brotherly love by boarding his flight. Home of the 2008 World Series champions and a whole lot of cheesesteaks... boarding at gate C 31...

US Air flight 8231 to Raleigh is ready to board. Go Heels! Raleigh...where the sky is Tar Heel blue -which is proof that God is a Carolina fan. Now boarding at gate…

Bernard had different material for every city -and each announcement for that city. His enthusiasm showed in his preparation and the energy of his delivery. How many airline representatives go home and practice how they can bring more of themselves to their work? How many of us do?

Bernard's enthusiasm made a difference in the lives of many travelers that night. He seemed to be enjoying himself to.

Fly through Reagan National soon, because Bernard won't be there long.

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 3

So what are Personal Standards (PS)?

Just a couple more things; I promise we'll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they're here to do. We're talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life's work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you're reading this book, you're the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you're going to live your legacy today, you'd better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your 'original instruction' as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it's your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can't get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they're capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I've heard again and again for my clients, as they've taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I'll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 2

Values aren't anything special; everybody has values. And more, everybody's values sound wonderful. Nobody has a value called "killer" or "idiot" or "pushover" -that is, nobody has values like these that actually mean what the name insinuates.

People have values like: love, honesty, connection, security, hard work, self-care and the like. But have you ever thought about people like Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin... and their values? Hitler killed 30 million people; Stalin killed 60 million and yet I'd be willing to bet that neither of these men, if you were able to sit down with them and do a values clarification exercise with them, would confess to having values such as: genocide, rape, pillage or S.O.B. No, no, no... their values would sound no different than Mother Teresa's or Gandhi's.

I'd put A LOT of money on the fact that all four of these individuals from the 20th century would have had values that sounded quite similar. I'm sure from Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa you hear words like "commitment" and "mission" as values. I'm sure Joseph Stalin and Gandhi would speak mutually, yet independently, of their commitment to the values of: "change" and "peace".

How do we reconcile this? Certainly Adolf Hitler was "committed" and on a "mission". So was Mother Teresa. Mohandas Gandhi could very well be the quintessential example of a person who lived the values of "peace" and "change". Joseph Stalin too, worked for "change" and his own version of "peace".

On a much lighter note, but staying on the same theme... I've worked with people who have a value called, "self-care". I've seen people use this value to justify getting a massage, eating cheesecake, eating spinach salad or numbing out with their drug of choice (food, work, porn, drugs or drink). Oh man! I've been one of these people! What does the value "self-care" mean? The answer is, it means whatever we want it to mean, given the right circumstances. This simply can't be good enough.

The above, is just one example of many, where values (which are naturally vague even when there clarified with other words) actually can be used, not to bring people what they really want, but in our moments of weakness, to justify the things we don't want and wouldn't do otherwise. Yikes! Just say no to values.

Go get yourself some Personal Standards!

Soon enough. Stay tuned to Thursday morning's post.

As Always,

Be Good-Don't Compromise

RR

Are You Living a Potemkin Life?

A Potemkin village is phrase based on a historical myth. Though the experts don't completely agree on the truth of it all, the myth goes like this: Russian Minister (and General) Grigory Potyomkin supposedly built fake villages (facades only) along a rail line in order to fool and impress Catherine II -Empress of Russia as she was touring the area, some time around 1787.

Grig's apparent motive was to have Cathy think that he'd conquered some pretty awesome territory and that he was actually a pretty savvy, powerful and all around nifty guy. I wonder how it all worked out.

Well, aren't we guilty of the same thing sometimes? Can't we be guilty of living Potemkin lives where we act one way but our authentic identity (true self) is someone different?

You know, we suffer so much as we try to keep the charade up. You know, we experience so much peace when we accept who we are and let the chips fall where they may.

People are demanding authenticity from everyone and everything these days...Be Uncompromised -demand it from yourself.

RR

The Agony of Compromise

Does Compromise ever feel good?

At the bottom of a dish of ice cream, that you said you wouldn't eat...

When you lay your head down, another night, -having skipped out on doing something you knew you should...

When you say something to someone, just to get to them...

When you bitch about your job then declare that you only have 11 more years...

You have compromised YOU. It's nothing short of betrayal...

It's funny, in the moment, administering the medication of mint chocolate chip to your wounds feels reasonable. Performing busy work to provide a 'reasonable' excuse why you don't have the life you want, seems understandable. Really, in those brief but powerful moments you know your self to be full of it -and with enough of this, and in the end it will be a bitter taste you will live and die with.

Honestly looking at what you are choosing to do with your time, money, energy, body, etc. is the place to start wen you want to live as The Uncompromised. Stop thinking so much and decide what you really, really want. Write it down. Finally, Do Something. Anything...but be in action, learn, adjust the plan and do more.

Don't Compromise. Be Great. Go do something.

RR