Awesome Distinction

This isn't mine. A friend, Camilla Rogers, found it someplace and it deserves more airtime and credit to whoever made this incredible distinction.

If anyone knows who said it, let me know, I'll amend this post ASAP.

The short setup on this is that Camilla and I were talking about how people (to include she and I) can get caught up in pretending we're going for something rather than sincerely wanting and working toward it. Here it goes:

A DREAM - An adult synergy of desire, imagination, and expectancy. A dream has a subtext of maximizing who you are, and a supertext of becoming more than you are.

A FANTASY - An adolescent adventure in imagination without any real desire and no solidly determined expectation. The "guts" are missing. The potential manifestation is seen as a threat and a source of fear rather than something to celebrate as a source of joy.

Whoa,

RR

4:30 AM

I never regret when I get up at 4:30 AM. In my house, it guarantees me two solid hours in total silence.

Benjamin Franklin said 10 or 20 years ago (plus or minus 250), "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man (women too) healthy, wealthy and wise." I'm down with that plan.

I know there are those who get that quiet time at night (I just don't get it) but regardless of when... get you some. If you are up to anything worthwhile -and this might be a test, you need that alone, quiet, writing, reflecting and/or creative time.

I'd fallen off the wagon recently as I started staying up later so I could do more over the course of a couple days. Well that turning into several days makes morning wake up later and later. Suddenly I'm working, not at my best (4:30-6:30 AM), but just 'doing more busy stuff' between 9 and 11. Not productive. Compromised. Fatigue... ug.

Sometimes it's hard to remember what you are investing in before you get the payoff. For me, getting to bed with a book at 9:30 preferably, and 10 for sure, guarantees a happy boy in the morning.

Oye! I'll let you know how I did this week on Thursday!

17 days until my book is due to the editor! I'd better get in bed... oh wait. It's 6:45 AM!

RR

How long did you take??? ...to do what??

I write a blog for a local paper in Albany (NY) each Monday. I've been writing for some time and haven't experienced much trouble in saying something that has some value -and doing it in 30-45 minutes. That was until this Monday (8/23).

I wrote for 5 hours.

I posted it.

It was not good. Oh, it was not good.

I deleted it.

I struggled for a topic to write about.

Took 2 more hours to write something that was about 300 words!

http://blog.timesunion.com/success/the-uncompromised-honda-pilot/270/

Wow. Some days we just don't have it, at all!

Lessons for me? Write that blog in advance of my due date. I know, I know... I'm not sure what to say about another lesson but I do know that sometimes when a situation goes far past absurd, it can be surprisingly funny.

Wow... that was only 10 minutes!

RR

What is Integrity?

Madame Dictionary says integrity is: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. I get that. I think we all think of integrity this way.

Even better though is the second definition: the state of being whole and undivided. Yes!

When we breach our integrity, we undermine who we are at our best -which is who we really are, and we establish ourselves as something else. When we compromise our word/integrity we create a division between our world and who we are. That means our happiness and effectiveness.

Once divided, we are more apt to say and do things that don't reflect who we really are. At best unnecessary struggle begins, and at worst, the race to the bottom begins.

However, as we stand firm and live consistent with what we say we say is important to us, not only do we enjoy the results of being men and women of our words, but we grow in our dedication to being that man or woman. That dedication equals strength and motivation to keep making good decisions.

You are successful and fulfilled to the degree that you'll live out your integrity. Better know what you stand for then, huh?

RR

Enthusiasm's Revenge

I wrote recently about a neck injury I suffered -and still am dealing with. I'd been working out and getting in the best shape of my life, when I suddenly had to stop.

For the first couple of days I found myself enjoying the much-needed rest both my mind and body wanted and needed. During the next few days I lamented that the program I was on would have to be abandoned for a time. As I now head deep into the second week of my inability to do that work out, my enthusiasm for exercise has waned yet my appetite or rather my desire to eat has increased. Sort of an, "If I can't workout, I'll find pleasure here then!" deal.

A couple days ago, I realized I was in a downward slide. I leveled with myself and got that if I didn't change my attitude and my eating -and exercise lightly the few muscles I could, this short-term injury might have a serious impact on not only my exercise routine but worse, cause me to lose enthusiasm in general.

Though I confess I feel a bit lame (literally and figuratively), I 'm not going to let this injury take me out and make me change how I want to do things. If enthusiasm is one of the distinguishing traits, Universal Standards, of The Uncompromised... then I have to have it!

I'm not going to feel bad about myself just because I'm not as strong as I want to be. My life is about bigger things.

What I'm aware of right now, is that enthusiasm is a choice and it doesn't end with one decision...

RR

Retreat From Endurance?

Nooooo!

Man, I'm so pumped up about this workout I'm doing! I'm getting in the best shape of my life and... my neck is spazing-out!

It is a 60 day program, yes I'm in the 'recovery' week but, ahhh, I've missed two days. I'll probably miss 3 more -which places me (hopefully ready) on Monday with more intense workouts -and fingers crossed.

Endurance, one of The Universal Standard of The Uncompromised, is not about sampling, but about discipline, consistency, determined/focused effort and sustainability. Oh... Hmmmmm, sustainability.

I remember hearing someone say that, "It's easy to be hard and hard to be smart." Isn't that the truth?! Actually I think I was was being 'hard' last week when my neck was feeling a bit tight and slightly spasmodic; I just kept working out, determined not to quit. So instead of voluntarily, and wisely opting out, I got taken out!

Just like too many people take themselves out of the game by not being disciplined or working hard, others like me can get blinded by their own resolve and lose the very thing they are after.

Here I am, icing and even taking muscle relaxers (I almost never take any pill), contemplating how hard sometimes it is to be smart, what the cost of being 'hard' is -and learning a vital nuance of true Endurance: sustainability.

On Ice,

RR

Serious About Happiness

I have come to realize, that in every interaction I have with my clients, I am either underwriting their excellence or their mediocrity. That's quite a responsibility. So, when I'm taking my job seriously, I'm better able to help people live out what brings them happiness.

Know what? We all have the same responsibility. With everyone we engage in conversation or a passing glance, we are creating something. What is that something we want to create?

I've gotta believe, that if I can choose to be me at my best -while being convinced that you too are great, life changes -for both of us.

This is easier said than done, of course. But I wonder will be possible when we all get a little bit more serious about happiness.

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 3

So what are Personal Standards (PS)?

Just a couple more things; I promise we'll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they're here to do. We're talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life's work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you're reading this book, you're the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you're going to live your legacy today, you'd better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your 'original instruction' as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it's your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can't get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they're capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I've heard again and again for my clients, as they've taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I'll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 2

Values aren't anything special; everybody has values. And more, everybody's values sound wonderful. Nobody has a value called "killer" or "idiot" or "pushover" -that is, nobody has values like these that actually mean what the name insinuates.

People have values like: love, honesty, connection, security, hard work, self-care and the like. But have you ever thought about people like Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin... and their values? Hitler killed 30 million people; Stalin killed 60 million and yet I'd be willing to bet that neither of these men, if you were able to sit down with them and do a values clarification exercise with them, would confess to having values such as: genocide, rape, pillage or S.O.B. No, no, no... their values would sound no different than Mother Teresa's or Gandhi's.

I'd put A LOT of money on the fact that all four of these individuals from the 20th century would have had values that sounded quite similar. I'm sure from Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa you hear words like "commitment" and "mission" as values. I'm sure Joseph Stalin and Gandhi would speak mutually, yet independently, of their commitment to the values of: "change" and "peace".

How do we reconcile this? Certainly Adolf Hitler was "committed" and on a "mission". So was Mother Teresa. Mohandas Gandhi could very well be the quintessential example of a person who lived the values of "peace" and "change". Joseph Stalin too, worked for "change" and his own version of "peace".

On a much lighter note, but staying on the same theme... I've worked with people who have a value called, "self-care". I've seen people use this value to justify getting a massage, eating cheesecake, eating spinach salad or numbing out with their drug of choice (food, work, porn, drugs or drink). Oh man! I've been one of these people! What does the value "self-care" mean? The answer is, it means whatever we want it to mean, given the right circumstances. This simply can't be good enough.

The above, is just one example of many, where values (which are naturally vague even when there clarified with other words) actually can be used, not to bring people what they really want, but in our moments of weakness, to justify the things we don't want and wouldn't do otherwise. Yikes! Just say no to values.

Go get yourself some Personal Standards!

Soon enough. Stay tuned to Thursday morning's post.

As Always,

Be Good-Don't Compromise

RR

Are You Living a Potemkin Life?

A Potemkin village is phrase based on a historical myth. Though the experts don't completely agree on the truth of it all, the myth goes like this: Russian Minister (and General) Grigory Potyomkin supposedly built fake villages (facades only) along a rail line in order to fool and impress Catherine II -Empress of Russia as she was touring the area, some time around 1787.

Grig's apparent motive was to have Cathy think that he'd conquered some pretty awesome territory and that he was actually a pretty savvy, powerful and all around nifty guy. I wonder how it all worked out.

Well, aren't we guilty of the same thing sometimes? Can't we be guilty of living Potemkin lives where we act one way but our authentic identity (true self) is someone different?

You know, we suffer so much as we try to keep the charade up. You know, we experience so much peace when we accept who we are and let the chips fall where they may.

People are demanding authenticity from everyone and everything these days...Be Uncompromised -demand it from yourself.

RR

Inspired by Insanity

Insanity is a relatively new DVD workout program but it's more.

Look, at our best, we all want to be great, know we're stretching and achieving. In order to do that we need a good plan, we need to get off our soft-sides and we need someone who believes in us deeply -sometimes more than we believe in ourselves.

Shaun T not only puts together an incredible workout program (Insanity) which I'm being both broken and built better by, but he engages me, believes in me and demands more of me. He wants me to mind my form and won't let me compromise what I'm capable of. If this man can pull this off on DVD, I'd like to meet him for real.

Hey, who is your Shaun T? Who is there for you -to both comfort you and expect more from you, for the sake of you being something better?

Man, I can't wait to pop that DVD in today, get my Shaun T hit, then sweat, hurt and believe in me -'cause I survived another challenge, another day.

Grrrr,

RR

When Really Good Isn't Really Good Enough

We've all met, worked with, been employed by or employed people who are good at what they do but have a passion or talent beyond what they are making their life's work.

How do we engage with people who you know are settling? What do you say to the person who you know is compromising and letting a great life slip away because a really good one is happening now?

It's funny to think that the answer to your question will probably speak pretty loudly to your loyalty, commitment and more -your own capacity to settle and compromise -In this case a potentially great and faithful relationship is excused to make room for a a really good or even a merely decent relationship. Too bad.

How do you compromise your relationships? What are you making more important than that person's fulfillment?

RR

The Agony of Compromise

Does Compromise ever feel good?

At the bottom of a dish of ice cream, that you said you wouldn't eat...

When you lay your head down, another night, -having skipped out on doing something you knew you should...

When you say something to someone, just to get to them...

When you bitch about your job then declare that you only have 11 more years...

You have compromised YOU. It's nothing short of betrayal...

It's funny, in the moment, administering the medication of mint chocolate chip to your wounds feels reasonable. Performing busy work to provide a 'reasonable' excuse why you don't have the life you want, seems understandable. Really, in those brief but powerful moments you know your self to be full of it -and with enough of this, and in the end it will be a bitter taste you will live and die with.

Honestly looking at what you are choosing to do with your time, money, energy, body, etc. is the place to start wen you want to live as The Uncompromised. Stop thinking so much and decide what you really, really want. Write it down. Finally, Do Something. Anything...but be in action, learn, adjust the plan and do more.

Don't Compromise. Be Great. Go do something.

RR

Fishing in the Rocks

I don't know whether I was exercising a particular wisdom or just lucky but I caught 3 fish in 45 minutes while the two experienced fishermen caught none in two hours. What do you think?

I was on vacation (and some work) in Myrtle Beach, SC with my family and decided to take my boys (5 and 6 1/2) fishing. Enthusiastically we paid, took our frozen shrimp and our 'gear' to the end of Pier 14 to 'fish'. I honestly didn't intend on catching anything but thought it would just be fun for the boys to try and me to, well, try!

We met a couple of guys in their 50's who'd been fishing for quite some time, as they later -and clearly pointed out. I'd been just casting my line as far out as I could go in any direction when one my line got stuck and of the guys told me there was a long stone wall that went from the beach way out to sea just under the water. The message was clear, 'Don't cast in that direction, you'll lose your lure.'

Well my coaching mind (and contrarian spirit!) was awoken! I thought something like, 'Hey, it's in the rocks, the challenges and seemingly risky/dangerous times where the fruit of life is so often found!' So for the next 45 minutes I cast only toward the rocks.

I did the best I could to keep the bait moving so it wouldn't sink too low and settle in the rocks and get caught -again. Well three fish -and 45 minutes later, I thought this little story was worth sharing.

I fully accept that I'm no fisherman and what happened could have been luck (any fishermen out there?) but then again doesn't life experience tell us that there is a lot more going on in the 'fray' than in the open water?

RR

The Compromised Uncompromiser

I talk a good game. I talk a good game because I've been up to some big stuff. I've done more in my life then I ever thought I could.

...but things got comfy and I've been on cruise control, enjoying a certain degree of success.

I've written about 30,000 words of a book that I've committed to writing yet haven't written in 2+ months -at least not anything substantial. At first I was taking time to clarify my audience, to reread and edit what I'd written. But now it's been almost 3 months and I can't deny that I'm compromised.

My word to myself, in terms of slotted writing times, I've breeched. Agreements to myself to at least capture this concept or that on paper have found a backseat to clearing of junk from my desk (which did need attention). Again and again I've compromised to the point where I now see blatantly that my compromises of my integrity and identity are because I'm scared.

I'm scared to be an author, the speaker for $10k/hr and coach for $50k/yr. I'm scared that I could have the impact and actually get what I say I want, and I have to deal with it.

The principles/standards for which I stand and live to teach don't need to change; I do.

Where have you been dodging your destiny for noble sounding activity?

RR

Maximum Impact or...just a demographic?

If you don't know who you are, how can you have powerful, maximum impact on others?

To have maximum impact in your life, for your family, on the job, in the world... Know thyself!

There is something interesting to consider as you think about who you are. Your identity is the sum total of your experiences, your upbringing, your demographic...

...or is it?

What does being white or black or yellow have to do with who you really are? What does your income have to do with anything?

If you had to bring your car to a mechanic, and needed to get the job done right, would you need to know the shade of the mechanic's skin pigment? If you were choking at a restaurant, would you deny the assistance of someone who could help to look for another of a similar age or sexual orientation?

Give me a break. At the end of the day, what we each care about is who someone is in terms of the quality of person they are...and what we can count on them for -not where they grew up or how they pray!

You want to have maximum impact to include personal fulfillment in every area of life...? Get over your pride or pity about your demographic and be the man or woman you were born to be. Decide who you are and live it.

Bye Now,

RR