Using My Own Words

I've been teaching about thirty-five men in a program called Freedom Academy for a few months now. It's a program designed to help men who've suffered addiction (and all of the collateral damage) through a recovery process--I'm there teaching from my book, The Uncompromised.

Just a couple of days ago I raised the bar. "We're looking beyond "staying clean". We're looking at what you really want, what your big dreams are and we're going to get busy creating plans to make it all happen. None of this feeling good as you think about living how you want. We're going to go to work to actually make it happen."

One guy started us off and I coached him to get clear on what he would actually do to get his dreams out of fantasy land. I was both helping this guy and encouraging others to powerfully and positively engage him so we could get the ball rolling as to how we'd work the next guy--and the next.

I decided to go second and open myself up to them regarding one of my challenges. Next thing I knew 9 different guys were hitting me with what they saw and how I was compromising. Then the coup de grace--a guy raised to speak--and he did.

He spoke humbly for about 20 seconds as he quietly searched through my book. I was pretty sure that he was looking down because was nervous to speak publicly-- and that my book just happened to be in his hands. "Now Ron, you say here in Chapter 15... “…entertaining such thoughts makes your daily life harder while compounding the insanity of feeling like something should be different.” " I started laughing at the irony and the fact that he'd hit the nail on the head concerning the lesson I needed to relearn—using my stuff “against me”!

Humorous and humbling!

Class ended and here I am, reminded to do what I’ve long known.

The truth is, we usually need to learn new things; we need to remember and do what we speak and what we know. Yeah, we'll need to be reminded but if we're lucky--rather, if we're smart, we'll surround ourselves with people who will help remind us of who we are, what we know and subsequently remind us to live accordingly.

Don’t you just wish you knew 35 recovering addicts who are willing to speak the hard truth as they had your back?

In Rigor and Humility,

RR

The Danger of Tribes

"Tribes" is one of the new words that everyone from marketers to social activists are using. Let's not get all giddy about fitting into a tribe, being a tribe and being lead by a charismatic or insightful creator of a tribe without pausing to think. (Whether that tribe is called a group, committee, team, family, race, religion, psychographic...)

We can't avoid the fact that there are tribes all around us any more than we can avoid our own membership in multiple tribes. We can avoid ignorance in how we engage others inside and outside our tribes if we'll open our eyes to both sides of tribes.

There are pros to tribes. What are some?

• You are with people who think like you
• You are immersed in traditions, thinking, culture and lessons of those who've "been there".
• You get to leverage the ideas and efforts of people on the same page
• You can make a big difference in your community and outside of it
• "Positive peer pressure" from those who know you

Oh, there are many more, I know.

But we'd be fooling ourselves if we didn't pay attention to the other side. The cons of tribes or of the tribe mentality are:

• Arrogance that we get it while they don't
• The mentality that the ends justifies the means
• Individual personalities, needs and aspirations get lost
• Identities (of individuals) are warped as is the menu of possible actions in life based on the identity of the tribe rule the day
• People shut their minds off and let the leader do their thinking

Of course there are more here on the con side as well.

The point, though, isn't that tribes are bad. The point is to think. The point is to consciously choose which tribes you belong to and to be aware of the tribes you belong to without your choice (color, heritage...). The point is to be aware of the great benefits and the wonderful possibilities from casual or engaged membership in a tribe as well as the dangers and the pity seemingly inherent in tribes.

MLK Jr. said it all when he spoke of the day when people are judged by the content of their character rather than...(any tribe that separates, divides and sets one against another). Be Good. Be part of that tribe--those committed to being good and doing great in humility.

Be Good - Do Great,

RR

Interruption or Opportunity?

Here she comes...the old lady next door wants to talk--you're just trying to do some work in your yard.

Not NOW! A school bus pulls out just ahead of you--now you're stopping every 100 yards for a quarter mile local tour of your neighborhood.

The list could go on of course but it's instructive to think that we call these things interruptions.

Really? What got interrupted?? Your plan? Somewhere along the line we buy into the notion that our plan is the plan and then we become frustrated and less than our best when our plan is interrupted. Silly rabbit...

No. Your plan is your plan and then there are another 7 billion other plans.

At the risk of being all chipper-personal-growthy on you. Your choice is to see reality and accept the unexpected as an opportunity to bring more of what you want into the world or you can deny reality (not a good plan), think you are the center point of time and history, continue to be frustrated by people and their thinking that their plans matter.

I'm just saying...

RR

The Dabbler's Lament

A paragon of endurance, Mother Teresa labored in the gut of Calcutta for decades giving everything she had to help the "poorest of the poor". She held the hands of lepers, applied medication to open maggot-infested wounds of the dying and held the skeleton-bodies of broken infants as they left this life.

She didn't seek attention, she avoided it as it took her from her what she knew to be most important: expressing love to all those who society was mindful to forget. The world sought her.

The dabbler's lament is elusive fulfillment. He knows that he ought to do things, whether for others or even himself, but he doesn't think in terms of self-sacrifice except as it serves his more immediate purpose. That purpose might be recognition to feel a sense of value, pity so as to dismiss his responsibility, guilt to better control another or the perpetuation of an image that needs occasional maintenance.

Having lost a sense of "mission", the dabbler needs to be seen. She survives on consciously created PR campaigns designed to have people see her a certain way. So self-absorbed is the dabbler that she's lost part of her humanity--becoming blind to the needs of those around her.

Chances are, you're neither a Mother Teresa nor a total dabbler. Reflecting on the dabbler's lament and the joyful life of a saint:

Where do you see you need to engage people differently?

Where is your "mission field"?

Though these examples are somewhat black and white...we still are forced to choose and live that shade of gray. I wonder what you'll choose.

Your Servant,

RR

I'm No Marketing Genius but...

I wrote a blog a week ago and as always was appreciative to see a comment offered by a reader. As I read it though I busted out laughing at the absurdity of the comment that was left. It said simply, "You are welcome to follow my blog." and then offered the link to his site! I'm withholding the name of the misguided.

His comment offered nothing about me, my impact or my content--he saw a space and filled it with him! It reminded me of networking events I used to attend where there would always be the one dude or chick who would run around connecting with nobody but handing out 13,000 business cards. You know the people that listen just long enough to segue into something about themselves?

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm not a genius about many numbers of things but I do know that if people aren't comfy with you and don't feel heard and/or respected you might as well save the gas and your time and just put your business cards in the garbage and watch Wheel of Fortune--it'll do just about as much to develop your relationships and subsequent business.

You are welcome to follow me on twitter,

RR

Oh the Humility!

Sometime in early November 2010 I wrote an email to Chris Brogan, a dude that I like/respect because he seems pretty darn real and yet a big-time rock star in the social media world.

Well, on a whim I decided, "I'm really cool myself. This dude should know who I am!" So I sent him an email; I hoped to create a connection.

Fine.

Well, as this wasn't a concerted action, more of a throw spaghetti against the wall deal, I completely forgot that I sent the email at all.

About two weeks later I received this:

---------

Howdy Ron,

You wrote:

"Son of a...! My email box is so full of your great posts/blogs that I can't keep up. Seriously, your stuff rocks and is so informative, real and immediately helpful. I can't delete one until I've read it and understand what you're saying.

----------

Well I became giddy! I thought something to the effect of, "First of all, this guy sounds just like me when he writes. Dude, thinks my stuff is good!!! Well, my posts are really real and I do try to be helpful. Wow, what cool feedback from a guy who really knows!!!!"

I not only failed to read the part that says, "You wrote:" but also missed the fact that it sounded so much like me because it was me! The "you" in "You wrote" was me!!! I wrote!

I went from puffed up with pride to quite humble...and amused in about .34 seconds!

Lessons? Gosh, I don't know... Read what you're reading? Recognize your own writing?

I don't know what to say except that I'm still laughing at myself...

RR