Don't Feel Guilty, Just Be There

There is a sad stereotype of the guy or gal who is at work physically but longing to be with his/her kids--then once with the kids s/he is bogged down with thoughts of work and all that goes with it. This is the short of it but can happen between any area of life/thought.

There is a solution. It's called: Faithfulness

(Bear with me as I choose a gender to keep it simple.)

Over time, as our heroine's mind wanders at work to the point where she is no longer able to do the quality of work she knows in her heart and mind she is capable of, she'll make this wandering--this compromise into a habit and begin to medicate by watching the clock, daydreaming, surfing or... Now she's exacerbating the issue. Deep down she knows that she's not living in integrity and it's killing her!

Her demons go to work on her so she questions her worth, her trustworthiness and more.

So she goes home. As she kicks the soccer ball around the backyard with her kids, she's hit by the guilt that she's not getting the job done in her work. As she becomes more distracted by thoughts of her disappointment for not being more present and productive at work, others perceptions of her and her boss' perspective she inadvertently ceases her faithful execution of her role of mommy.

Now that scamming voice will give her hell for not living into her values or doing what she said she would with regards to being present with the kids or...

As she lays her head down at night, she doesn't rest easy as she contemplates her day of distraction. She has closed her day like she started it, compromising it through misallocation of her emotions and thoughts and efforts.

One more assault from the scammer has her questioning her capacity to do anything, to be effective at all that she has to do and...she peters off to sleep.

She might want to blame busyness or some other external force but the fact of the matter is, she needs to be at work when she's there, be with her kids when she is there and be in bed and rest in peace when she is there.

Simplistic? Dude, try again. It's everything. Try and be present at work over some time and then try and come home and consistently be fully present with your kids (or whatever you do post 9-5), try to let it all go and do what you're supposed to do when it's time to sleep.

It's true that it often takes practice to be where you are and be faithful to what you're called to do at any given moment. That doesn't excuse us from our need to do just that--be faithful.

Here Now,

RR

People are Broken or Amazing. You Choose.

I think people are amazing and capable of remarkable things.

What do you think?

I think people are limited only by their imaginations.

What do you think?

I think people can do just about anything they decide to do.

What do you think?

———————–

If you think people are broken, then you won’t expect them to do amazing things.

Whatever they do–it won’t be enough.

If you think people are broken, you won’t attempt to feed their imaginations with hope and possibility.

You’re teaching them to live your limitations.

If you think people are broken, you’ll not expect them to do anything much.

So you’ll just wait for them to disappoint (again).

Reality Zone:

• People will disappoint you.
• People will forget to dream or give-up on dreaming.
• People will make foolish decisions.

It’s how we see and engage them in the face of these realities that matters. Because as we each know, all too well, we can only control ourselves. But it’s in our ability to control ourselves that we can not only change our own lives, but inspire change in others as well! The Uncompromised in our world speak to the best in people (king/queen) and as a result bring out the best in those they touch.

Be Good – Don’t Compromise,

RR

It's All Application

Who cares what you know if you won't do something with it?

• Applied knowledge is wisdom.

• Ignored knowledge is destructive.

• Denied knowledge is stupidity.

Since the problem in life is very rarely that we lack information, you can see the above three options for your choice in how to engage your life.

Doing Something,

RR

Using My Own Words

I've been teaching about thirty-five men in a program called Freedom Academy for a few months now. It's a program designed to help men who've suffered addiction (and all of the collateral damage) through a recovery process--I'm there teaching from my book, The Uncompromised.

Just a couple of days ago I raised the bar. "We're looking beyond "staying clean". We're looking at what you really want, what your big dreams are and we're going to get busy creating plans to make it all happen. None of this feeling good as you think about living how you want. We're going to go to work to actually make it happen."

One guy started us off and I coached him to get clear on what he would actually do to get his dreams out of fantasy land. I was both helping this guy and encouraging others to powerfully and positively engage him so we could get the ball rolling as to how we'd work the next guy--and the next.

I decided to go second and open myself up to them regarding one of my challenges. Next thing I knew 9 different guys were hitting me with what they saw and how I was compromising. Then the coup de grace--a guy raised to speak--and he did.

He spoke humbly for about 20 seconds as he quietly searched through my book. I was pretty sure that he was looking down because was nervous to speak publicly-- and that my book just happened to be in his hands. "Now Ron, you say here in Chapter 15... “…entertaining such thoughts makes your daily life harder while compounding the insanity of feeling like something should be different.” " I started laughing at the irony and the fact that he'd hit the nail on the head concerning the lesson I needed to relearn—using my stuff “against me”!

Humorous and humbling!

Class ended and here I am, reminded to do what I’ve long known.

The truth is, we usually need to learn new things; we need to remember and do what we speak and what we know. Yeah, we'll need to be reminded but if we're lucky--rather, if we're smart, we'll surround ourselves with people who will help remind us of who we are, what we know and subsequently remind us to live accordingly.

Don’t you just wish you knew 35 recovering addicts who are willing to speak the hard truth as they had your back?

In Rigor and Humility,

RR

Not About Weiner

The recent and current scandal concerning Rep. Anthony Weiner could powerfully open a conversation and firmly establish a point that needs to be recognized in society as a whole. If we miss it--we'll continue down our path of folly, double speak and hypocrisy.

What you do is a reflection of who you are. That is that. Sorry, but reality is actually our friend. Embrace it.

To say that something you do isn't a reflection of who you are is total nonsense--and completely accurate.

Nonsense because you are the thinker and the doer in your life. You are always at choice. Stupid choices come from stupid thoughts and stupid impulses (emotions) in your heart kept alive and fostered over time. I can't believe I have to say this but... If you did it, you did it!

Completely accurate because I do believe that who a person truly is--is amazing. Who someone is is a unique combination of the best qualities possible. Who we are is great. Who you are is an amazing person capable of wonderful things for your good and for the good of others.

Your birthright is greatness.

My Dear Reader, Mr. Weiner and RR:

We stray from that truth. We deceive ourselves and others when we act foolishly. We nurture certain thoughts and feelings that skew our ability to do great things. Not cool but again...reality.

Mr. Weiner, this scandal is about you--yes, but it's also about me and about you, my reader. Will we feed the fool or the king/queen inside our hearts? Will we act from our true nature determined to do good or will we compromise the truth of who we are and act the fool?

Today we will each answer. What will we say?

RR

The Danger of Tribes

"Tribes" is one of the new words that everyone from marketers to social activists are using. Let's not get all giddy about fitting into a tribe, being a tribe and being lead by a charismatic or insightful creator of a tribe without pausing to think. (Whether that tribe is called a group, committee, team, family, race, religion, psychographic...)

We can't avoid the fact that there are tribes all around us any more than we can avoid our own membership in multiple tribes. We can avoid ignorance in how we engage others inside and outside our tribes if we'll open our eyes to both sides of tribes.

There are pros to tribes. What are some?

• You are with people who think like you
• You are immersed in traditions, thinking, culture and lessons of those who've "been there".
• You get to leverage the ideas and efforts of people on the same page
• You can make a big difference in your community and outside of it
• "Positive peer pressure" from those who know you

Oh, there are many more, I know.

But we'd be fooling ourselves if we didn't pay attention to the other side. The cons of tribes or of the tribe mentality are:

• Arrogance that we get it while they don't
• The mentality that the ends justifies the means
• Individual personalities, needs and aspirations get lost
• Identities (of individuals) are warped as is the menu of possible actions in life based on the identity of the tribe rule the day
• People shut their minds off and let the leader do their thinking

Of course there are more here on the con side as well.

The point, though, isn't that tribes are bad. The point is to think. The point is to consciously choose which tribes you belong to and to be aware of the tribes you belong to without your choice (color, heritage...). The point is to be aware of the great benefits and the wonderful possibilities from casual or engaged membership in a tribe as well as the dangers and the pity seemingly inherent in tribes.

MLK Jr. said it all when he spoke of the day when people are judged by the content of their character rather than...(any tribe that separates, divides and sets one against another). Be Good. Be part of that tribe--those committed to being good and doing great in humility.

Be Good - Do Great,

RR

The Monday Mentality Gone Wild

Everybody is going to start working on something--Monday. Never today, never NOW! It's cliché and it's cliché for a reason.

The problem of course is that people are inspired to excuse themselves from far too many opportunities based on their skewed perceptions of when and what constitutes "good timing". Strung together, these bad decisions to wait, missed opportunities to act and little surrenders of initiative lead to a life of disappointment and forever hibernating dreams.

Let's look at this through the eyes of the sales person with the Monday Mentality.

Summers are like "the big Monday".

People too often think like school children and put off big efforts or new projects for September (think summer break). "I can wait and go after it in September" they say--without actually quite saying that or realizing they've gone into a mental and then practical holding pattern for 2+ months.

The Monday Mentality is more than an event though. It's a toxic way of living which affects everything and everyone around you.

So the year continues...

After the summer--if they can't quite go after it right away, in September, the keeper of the Monday-mentality limps through October, perhaps building a bit of momentum. That brings them to November--and certainly no one does business or gets into a big project around the holidays...better wait until after new years.

And the Monday-mentality is on the loose!

"Okay, let's admit it, everybody knows that sales are really slow in January and February. Let's retool or work on our plans or..."

"Let's be real, late March/early April is Passover and Easter; you don't want to bother people and their families now!"

...and then it's late June again.

There is opportunity--and success in all of its forms available to the woman or man who will stop with fairy tale seasonal excuses and get on with manually crafting their lives--NOW.

The kind of success we all want requires courage and a great dose of enthusiasm and sustained effort. Don't buy the compromise found in fairy tale excuses? You're designed for great stuff...

RR

Ode to Spain's Soccer Team--and us.

Saturday I went to Foxboro, Mass to see the American national soccer team play Spain's--who, by the way, just won The World Cup.

I'm still shocked at what I saw.

Spain won 4-0. That's not so hard to believe, I guess. What was shocking to me was the ease by which they won. It looked as if they barely broke a sweat while the Americans chased the ball all over the field never possessing it for long.

I was certain it would be a really great game. America's team isn't bad but...

Spain’s players were, almost to the man, masters. And playing like a team they created great results.

Being great as a team and masterful as an individual--and far ahead of the competition (if only your demons) requires:

• · A decision to be great
• · Caring more about your goal than you do your comfort
• · Spending time with people who are better than you at your chosen endeavors
• · A decision to never quit

We all have to choose where we’d like to place ourselves on the scale between mediocrity and mastery. Having witnessed the results of years of dedication and resulting dominance, I know I’m capable of more.

And you…? What is it time to stop messing around with and start hitting hard?

Toward Mastery,

RR

Ah, You're Killing Me!

I'm sure there are armchair psychotherapists out there who'd easily diagnose my psychosis or certain religionists who'd rebuff my intemperance or more patient souls who'd try to assuage my intolerance but if there's one thing that kills me, it's the attitude of "Someday..."

My philosophy is that if you want something, shut up and do something...today. Outrageous, I know.

We need more "Shut up and do..." in our culture and less "Someday when..." (not to mention passive listening to people and their fantasies)! Don't even tell me about the job you aspire to have, the children's program you intend to set up or the weight you want to lose. Don't even...unless you intend on being seen as someone capable of living that ambition and then being challenged to act according with your desire and capacity.

Is that wrong of me?

Most people, upon gentle but clear encouragement offer a polite decline of my request that they actually do something to move their plan ahead. It goes like this:

Ron: Dude, that's awesome! There are ton's of kids who'd benefit from your wisdom! Soooo, when will you go ahead and start teaching those courses? What do you have to do to make that happen?

Dude: Uh, well that's great. Thanks, yeah, there are lots of kids who can use this sort of thing and...

Ron: Yeah... Totally! So, what can you do to make this thing a reality?

Dude: Well, I've spoken to Jane and planted some seeds with Craig but you know it's difficult today because...

Then with a frozen smile and eyes bugging out of my head, my mind races as to how I can/should engage this person further. Do they really want support or do they really want a witness who encourages feel-good from indulging in the fantasy?

Spare me...no, spare yourself and your own heart! Don't utter a word out loud concerning your desires unless you intend on following through and actually doing with that which you want!

Psssst. By the way, if you'll be careful with your words--and speak only according to what you intend on following through on--it'll turn out to be that same care which will afford your dreams their proper respect and ultimate fulfillment.

Shutting Up,

RR