Could It Be This Easy?

Choose consciously; act accordingly.

The Lost Art of Forgiveness

There is a lot to be said about the immense need we as individuals, as well as great cultures and nations, have for true forgiveness. We all have the ability to forgive and let peace be... so what's the problem?

The problem for the one who feels offended, wronged or that something sacred has been somehow transgressed, can be found in a few places. Forgiveness can be hard when:

• You think people are basically idiots.
• You think that your holding a grudge somehow hurts the “offender”.
• You've got a mind/heart for retaliation rather than reconciliation.
• You get attention for being a victim or a martyr.
• You realize that forgiveness can be hard!

The issue facing the offender (the guy or gal that did the wrong-ing) falls into a few categories. It should be self-explanatory why this issue exists, but asking for forgiveness:

• Confirms your guilt.
• Requires humility -sometimes a lot.
• Risks greater loss of community (soiled reputation).
• Means that we have to confront our own shortcomings.

The cultural issue we have, in being able to forgive, comes sometimes from not understanding the above points as well as understanding the process of forgiveness -but just as often from not doing what we do know! If we want to have fantastic relationships with others, and peace with ourselves, it'll serve us all if we do more than consider this process.

As offenders, we need to be quicker to confess/admit and make appropriate restitution for what we've done. Restitution is essentially covering the 'cost' of your error.

If you fail to be there for somebody as promised, restitution might mean that you are extra diligent and go above and beyond in being there for them in the future. If you break somebody's iPod, immediately replace it and offer your help in restoring files etc. The attempt and act of restoration is meaningless without humility in the recognition that you've made a mistake.

As the offended, we need to be quick to forgive and absolute in restoring people. Restoration means that we don't hold a grudge, bring up this error again -and more, we treat people based on who they are at their best. Now that takes humility.

I guess I could have kept this post a lot shorter by saying that the bottom line, in the lost art of forgiveness, is humility.

In Humble Service,

RR

I'm OK With Contracts Now...mostly

For years I've been averse to signing certain contracts. Why? Because my word/your word is all we should need. If your word or my word doesn't mean anything, what does a lousy signature mean?

More recently, I've had to sign some contracts with corporations. Man, they are fussy! But I get it and think I'm willing to consider the 'dark side'. Yes, contracts can be so frustrating and cumbersome -and yes, I understand that contracts are used to cover and protect people legally. There is something more elementary to a contract -and vital to those who sign off.

Contracts spell out very clearly what everyone is agreeing to. So, should anyone become confused, or compelled to forget what they gave their word to, here is the agreement spelled out and signed off by the ones who guarantee the contract fulfillment.

I like it. And though I'd never considered it before, creating a compelling vision and setting goals is worthy of our careful attention, “formal” documentation and signature.

I'm all about clarity -clarity of plan, clarity of action and clarity when we are either following through or in some fashion denying what we said we would do. Now I'm wondering, what would the impact be in your or my life if we:

- clearly wrote down our intentions

- clearly identified specific goals and dates for their achievement

- clearly identified the results of breach of contract

- clearly identified the rewards for the contract fulfillment

- signed this contract in the presence of a couple of witnesses (these witnesses could be accountability buddies or your coach)

I've never done this with myself or clients, but I wonder… I wonder how much more we could achieve in our personal and professional lives if we took our goals this seriously?

RR

Cranky Guy on the Prarie

I grew up watching Little House on the Prairie -or affectionately, 'Little House'. What a great show it was and is (on DVD) about a good and earnest family, working to make a good life, do good by others and get ahead through honest hard work.

The Ingalls family was made up of a father/husband who was hardworking, honest, a sensitive and a loyal friend. Mom/wife was a diligent, hardworking, industrious, smart, feminine woman. All three children were well-behaved, conscientious, responsible, loving and full of personality.

Ak. I confess that it wasn't until about two years ago that I recognized, why for some time I had been feeling a lingering sense of unhappiness or disappointment. It may sound silly, but it's true, I had some version of the “Little House Ideal" lodged in my brain.

Finding that my own family (to include myself) lacked the industry, piety, humility, discipline and internal fortitude that the Ingalls family displayed so sharply, profoundly and neatly in 60 minutes each week, I found myself constantly disappointed in my situation. Somehow along the line, without me even knowing, I began to chase the elusive horizon of the "Little House Ideal" for what a “good” family meant.

Goals are great! Having an ideal in your mind's eye is a good thing. But we get ourselves in a lot of trouble when we set ourselves up, expecting to reach the ideal. Like the horizon, the ideal is a moving target and just as it is vital in navigating towards something great, it too -to the unconscious goal setter, can cause pain, disappointment and destruction of the very thing you want.

Set great and compelling goals. Heck, even look to the ideal as a source of inspiration, just set your expectations carefully -'cause even if you leave now, you'll never swim and catch the horizon -and you'll definitely drown.

Have a nice day!

RR

Serious About Happiness

I have come to realize, that in every interaction I have with my clients, I am either underwriting their excellence or their mediocrity. That's quite a responsibility. So, when I'm taking my job seriously, I'm better able to help people live out what brings them happiness.

Know what? We all have the same responsibility. With everyone we engage in conversation or a passing glance, we are creating something. What is that something we want to create?

I've gotta believe, that if I can choose to be me at my best -while being convinced that you too are great, life changes -for both of us.

This is easier said than done, of course. But I wonder will be possible when we all get a little bit more serious about happiness.

RR

Old Demons Never Die...

I'm staring at an award I received at the end of my senior year. It's the sportsmanship award…

I hung this little plaque in my office recently, after my parents unearthed it from their attic. I hung it in my office for motivation.

After years of serious dedication to being a great basketball player, I became really good… but afraid. I could dribble, shoot, I was pretty fast and good on defense. But I was afraid to be physical. I was afraid to drive to the basket and 'mix it up'. As a result, I wasn't much of a threat and so my coach didn't have a place for me.

For years, the award felt like a consolation prize and I like a guy who had to prove (to myself) that I was more than an 85%er. After my parents found it, I thought I should hang it up and use it as motivation to complete my book as well as my other plans. Instead, I've been feeling as if none of my professional efforts are good enough. Like, I have to prove to my coach that I'm willing to feel the pain and “get physical” (i.e. do more and more and...).

I'm going to stop writing now. I'm going to take down that plaque. I'm going to give that 18-year-old Ronnie a dose of much-needed mercy. I'm going to enjoy who I've become and what I've achieved -while I'm on my way to what's next.

RR

Going Someplace

I was at Reagan National Airport recently when a US Air representative (one of those people who announce the flights by the gates) caught my ear, then my eye and then my full attention. Somebody is going to snatch up Bernard before long because he so powerfully exemplifies one of the four attributes of The Uncompromised.

Enthusiasm -it's what moves you, with purpose, to get out of bed in the morning and to engage people and situations in a powerful and positive way. Everybody wants to be around somebody who's alive, enthusiastic.

Boy, did Bernard have enthusiasm! Normally I don't mind having to sit a couple of hours in an airport waiting for my plane; it gives me the opportunity to read and read. But, I couldn't get into my book. Sitting by my gate, I couldn't wait to hear what Bernard would say next -and how he would say it.

I copied a few of his highlights for our mutual pleasure:

Philadelphia 4261 -we are sharing the brotherly love by boarding his flight. Home of the 2008 World Series champions and a whole lot of cheesesteaks... boarding at gate C 31...

US Air flight 8231 to Raleigh is ready to board. Go Heels! Raleigh...where the sky is Tar Heel blue -which is proof that God is a Carolina fan. Now boarding at gate…

Bernard had different material for every city -and each announcement for that city. His enthusiasm showed in his preparation and the energy of his delivery. How many airline representatives go home and practice how they can bring more of themselves to their work? How many of us do?

Bernard's enthusiasm made a difference in the lives of many travelers that night. He seemed to be enjoying himself to.

Fly through Reagan National soon, because Bernard won't be there long.

RR

Do You Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 4

Consider what is going on in your life; ask yourself: What is running you? Where in your life professionally/personally do you compromise? What have you (for too long) tolerated in your life? What is next?

As you answer these questions, you'll see what you're doing -and, if you're honest, the truth of who you are being that keeps you from the life, the achievement, the impact that you want.

We all do things without even thinking -a lot. We can easily fall victim to our busyness, so that we go on autopilot and far too easily, important things slip through the cracks. In our busyness we look for ways to conserve time, energy, money and in our conservation we compromise family time, our health and other important stuff that make our lives special. That's not how you want to live.

Compromise also sneaks up on us when we go unconscious and do what we do because we always have done it. That's not going to get the job done. We also compromise by doing what we're expected to do (according to our particular culture, our past and/or our story). The biggest way we compromise is by avoiding the hard work of thinking and dreaming and declaring what we want -not to mention neglecting following through and doing what it takes to make our dreams happen. This is how we undermine our identity, neglect our purpose and compromise our integrity.

Time to establish -and number yourself amongst:

The Uncompromised.

Personal Standards bring the most important things in your life to the forefront -and more, they confront you with consistent accountability to who you say you are and what you say is most important.

Let me share a couple of my Personal Standards with you:

I am a man of my word. I choose from my commitments, not my passions.

I am focused. I set my eyes and thoughts on what I want.

Personal Standards start by declaring clearly, who you are at your best and who you need to be -your identity, to faithfully execute the second half of your PS. The second part of your PS will be a clear statement describing how you'll faithfully live out your identity. From your four PS, you'll be able to find out in a hurry how you're doing, living according to your, now consciously designed, PS.

Tips:

Keep them short.

Follow the format stated above.

Have no more than four PS at a time.

Speak them a couple times daily.

Speak them with the emotional content that matches your intention.

Enjoy the changes in your life!

Feel free to e-mail me, tweet me, or whatever if you want some clarity on your PS.

Be Good-Don't Compromise,

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 3

So what are Personal Standards (PS)?

Just a couple more things; I promise we'll get there...

Everyone wonders from time to time, with greater and lesser urgency, who they really are and what they're here to do. We're talking about identity and purpose. For life to have real meaning, people want to know who they are at their best -and what their life's work is. Who are you...really? What are you here to do?

Those are important questions to consider -and chances are if you're reading this book, you're the kind of person who is already thinking about them. You see, these are important questions to be considering, because the rigor in which you consider, meditate on, pray about and take action around these questions will dictate your clarity and ability to powerfully live them out.

By the way, how you live out your identity and purpose is your legacy. If you want to leave a meaningful legacy, you have to live a meaningful legacy. If you're going to live your legacy today, you'd better get really clear about who you are and what you stand for. That is what Personal Standards are all about.

A couple more foundational things to consider:

I believe what we typically call purpose is best broken up into two categories: First, your bigger purpose, what you were placed on this planet to do -this is your commission (your 'original instruction' as a Native American client of mine calls it) . Your basic purpose is what you do; it's your roles. ...and this, my friend, is where the action is at! So, for example whether you are a father, a sister, a husband or wife, a steel worker, a philanthropist, a professional athlete, a caretaker or whatever... Your purpose is to do what you do. Now, how well you do it-in other words, how faithful you are as you execute your various roles will not only dictate the quality of your legacy today, but it will chart the course for either clear sailing or a very bumpy ride as you consider and look to live out your commission. The moral of this story is: be good and faithful at what you do; integrity with how you live out your purposes (roles) creates its own rewards. The rest of the story is that clarity and conviction and experiencing your commission will follow.

I believe who you are, your identity, is who you are your best. Yep, people can be idiots and thoughtless, etc. But I can't get behind the notion that people are inherently damaged goods. In taking this stance I'm not saying that people shouldn't be held to account for their activities. On the contrary; I believe in people so much and I believe that they're capable of so much, that rigorous accountability, to a very high standard, is the natural response. So who you are at your best, is who you are -your identity.

Personal Standards are individually designed, specific compound declarations of your identity and purpose. What I've heard again and again for my clients, as they've taken the time to consider and live out their PS, is that first you work them (work to clarify them and speak them daily) and then they work you (revealing and changing you). Cool.

Okay! Next post I'll teach you how to create powerful, life-changing Personal Standards.

Over and out...

RR

Do you Have Any Standards (Personal Standards)? Part 2

Values aren't anything special; everybody has values. And more, everybody's values sound wonderful. Nobody has a value called "killer" or "idiot" or "pushover" -that is, nobody has values like these that actually mean what the name insinuates.

People have values like: love, honesty, connection, security, hard work, self-care and the like. But have you ever thought about people like Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin... and their values? Hitler killed 30 million people; Stalin killed 60 million and yet I'd be willing to bet that neither of these men, if you were able to sit down with them and do a values clarification exercise with them, would confess to having values such as: genocide, rape, pillage or S.O.B. No, no, no... their values would sound no different than Mother Teresa's or Gandhi's.

I'd put A LOT of money on the fact that all four of these individuals from the 20th century would have had values that sounded quite similar. I'm sure from Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa you hear words like "commitment" and "mission" as values. I'm sure Joseph Stalin and Gandhi would speak mutually, yet independently, of their commitment to the values of: "change" and "peace".

How do we reconcile this? Certainly Adolf Hitler was "committed" and on a "mission". So was Mother Teresa. Mohandas Gandhi could very well be the quintessential example of a person who lived the values of "peace" and "change". Joseph Stalin too, worked for "change" and his own version of "peace".

On a much lighter note, but staying on the same theme... I've worked with people who have a value called, "self-care". I've seen people use this value to justify getting a massage, eating cheesecake, eating spinach salad or numbing out with their drug of choice (food, work, porn, drugs or drink). Oh man! I've been one of these people! What does the value "self-care" mean? The answer is, it means whatever we want it to mean, given the right circumstances. This simply can't be good enough.

The above, is just one example of many, where values (which are naturally vague even when there clarified with other words) actually can be used, not to bring people what they really want, but in our moments of weakness, to justify the things we don't want and wouldn't do otherwise. Yikes! Just say no to values.

Go get yourself some Personal Standards!

Soon enough. Stay tuned to Thursday morning's post.

As Always,

Be Good-Don't Compromise

RR